YOU are EX-Natasha, though in this form you much prefer to be called by your middle name, Joanna, so as to pay respects to the fact that you regret much of what you did under your previous name. Your body died several years ago, but beings of Justice greater than you saw fit to give you another chance in the form of a ghost, hence your characteristic kerchief. Unlike a great many ghosts, you are well aware of your demise, and are at peace with yourself. People who see dead people walk around, like everyone else, not even knowing that you're dead. Normal people, however, are rather flighty.

You have traveled the length and breadth of the Netherworld to come to this sleepy, unassuming college town. You have arrived at the house of one ?Flandre Scarlet?, and are aware that her co-conspirator ?Koishi Komeiji? often resides nearby. They killed you in the past, but you have come to make amends. You certainly hope that there will be no hard feelings between any of you, and pray that circumstantial events do not transpire to make this simple task extraordinarily difficult.

Your POW is 2, your SPD is 2, and your FOC is 3.
Your ability is ?Sane Perspective?" Common sense is so rare around these parts, it's a superpower.

[ ] Knock on the door; it's rude to invite oneself in.
[ ] Enter the entryway and wait for someone to notice you.
[ ] Peek through a window and observe the residents.
[ ] Turn invisible and wander through the house.
[ ] Phase through the floor into the basement; Flandre must be there still.

[x] Turn invisible and wander through the house.

[X] Knock on the door; it's rude to invite oneself in.

[x] Knock on the door; it's rude to invite oneself in.

[X] Knock on the door; it's rude to invite oneself in.

>>43482
Best Character. Ever.

[X] Knock on the door; it's rude to invite oneself in.

[Q] Knock on the door; it's rude to invite oneself in.

So many people are exceedingly hasty these days. Ultimate magic or no ultimate magic, did they not learn anything about manners as children? You knock on the door politely and wait for someone to answer. This may not be the smoothest of visits even if everything goes as you'd like it to; the impression you left on this house in the past was not the best, and there's no telling what kind of lingering feelings may remain with any of the residents. But you've learned to take life in stride ever since your death. The irony is somewhat wasted on you.

A familiar face answers the door. A fateful face. "Francesca?, wasn't she? Her hair's gotten even sillier since the last time you saw her, it seems. She does not exactly seem very ecstatic to see you, and babbles incoherently before slamming the door in your face. That was to be expected.

A minute or so later, she opens the door again, much more composed, and cheerfully invites you in. She apologies for the outburst, but? well, she saw your head explode right in front of her eyes; it's a little off-putting to see you here again after so long. The two of you make small talk and reminisce about old times, sharing a summary of enlightening anecdotes with each other. Francesca is no longer your mortal enemy of old, it seems; if anything your interesting relationship of the past has made this reintroduction even smoother then you could have anticipated.

You inform her that you have certain qualms about tarrying too long in the land of the living; you have simply come here to make peace, and then be on your way. She looks uneasy, and explains that you might have chosen a poor day to visit. Things are very? strange, inside the house as of late, she says. Even she, the great Questioner and Understander, is having a devil of a time with it.

[ ] You're no stranger to the strange; make your peace with Flandre.
[ ] Perhaps you should discuss this with the professor; you and she are kindred spirits. At least you were?
[ ] Where are your manners? The head of the house should be informed of your arrival; she's one for propriety if you remember.
[ ] Turn invisible and tell Fran to carry on as normal. You'll observe the house from the sidelines and see for yourself.

[Q] Perhaps you should discuss this with the professor; you and she are kindred spirits. At least you were?

>Francesca's hair
So glad EX mode is on.

[X] Perhaps you should discuss this with the professor; you and she are kindred spirits. At least you were?

[ ] Perhaps you should discuss this with the professor; you and she are kindred spirits. At least you were?

[x] Where are your manners? The head of the house should be informed of your arrival; she's one for propriety if you remember.
We shouldn't waste another minute in this place without introducing ourselves to the person who owns it. It's the SENSIBLE thing to do, after all.

[X] Where are your manners? The head of the house should be informed of your arrival; she's one for propriety if you remember.

You don't presume to have any idea of the possible number of things that could be ?strange? inside this house, even moreso now that you've been away for so long. This house never made much sense to you anyways; knowing that vampires and fairies exist is a small consolation when the reality is so absurd you question your own sanity. The sensible thing to do would be to talk with a slightly more informed party and collect your bearings. You'll speak with Patricia Chalmers; you and she have an understanding. Or? at least you did.

However, the genius PhD student is not in right now, as Francesca informs you. Ever since the doctors found a permanent cure for all her crippling physical limitations, she's been very hard to keep track of, spending inordinate amounts of time at the lab now that she no longer gets tired easily. If you want to talk with her for old time's sake she does still come back home to sleep? most days.

Francesca does her best to inform you of the situation herself. A few years has changed a lot of things about a lot of the residents, and lately the fairies have been rather trigger-happy. it's all Sakuya can do to keep the house intact most days, but she's gotten crazy-good with her time magic, like you don't even know. Which is correct; you don't even know what Fran is talking about. She, Meiling, and Koakuma have been acting particularly odd, though?

Ahh bugger, there they go again, breaking through the ceiling.

[ ] Be a mediating party between the combatants.
[ ] Stay out of this madness; you just came here to apologize, not get triangulated.
[ ] Just phase down to the basement; you can find your own way around the house.
[ ] In Gensokyo, you've learned that a customary greeting is performed with MORTAL COMBAT. And then tea.
--( ) Ally with? is that the Sunday girl?
--( ) Ally with? is that the Saturday girl?
--( ) Fight by yourself for a three-way melee!

[x] Be a mediating party between the combatants.
If she came to make ammends, stopping a fight is a good way to start.
Man, it feels really weird to make choices based on LOGIC.

[X] Be a mediating party between the combatants.
Exercise that special ability!

[X] Be a mediating party between the combatants.

>she, the great Questioner and Understander
Touhou boss titles for the seven fairies. You may start... now.

Gensokyo is such a strange land; how often that the normal greeting between strangers is a heated brawl. And then tea. You're quite glad you get to miss out on all that by being dead. Or, mostly dead. In any case, you didn't come here to get triangulated into children's petty squabbles, but their petty squabble isn't making your quest any easier. Perhaps you should mediate between them and end this sooner rather than later.

You step in between them and act authoritatively, using a serene yet commanding tone to get these kids to shape up and take it easy. This does very little to assuage the situation, as the red-headed one seems gleefully intent on punching her opponent, and the dark-haired one seems sullenly intent on dodging said punches, both acting as if you weren't even there. Your stern tone falls upon deaf ears as well, so you try a more direct approach: holding both of their faces at arm's length, because they are comically short and their stubby arms cannot reach each other. While you're fairly certain either one of them has abilities which should make this gesture pointless, you are also fairly certain that they appreciate humor. Such as what you are doing right now.

With their trains of thought derailed, it is much easer to talk some sense into them, as well as get them to realize who you actually are. They have forgotten memories of who you actually are, considering most of it was overshadowed by your untimely death, but at least they aren't roughhousing anymore. Kids these days?

Sunhilda, the Child of China's Dragon, appears to have succeeded in her quest to become more like the guard Meiling, and is the miniature spitting image of her mentor. Sapphire, Immortal Sprite of Dusk, looks absolutely ridiculous with that red fedora and sunglasses; perhaps it's the latest style for girls her age? Francesca informs you that it's an homage to a fairy popular vampire series, one that she's been obsessing over in recent years. You prefer not to press the matter; you've had very little use for popular culture in the Netherworld. In any case, you need to return to the task at hand.

[ ] Francesca mentioned that Sakuya, Meiling, and Koakuma were acting strangely. She should elaborate.
[ ] Just head over to Flandre. You rather not draw this out.
[ ] Perhaps it'd be better to make your peace through Flandre's sister instead? The younger sister seemed rather? detached, if you recall.
[ ] You need to find out where Koishi Komeiji is as well. Perhaps you should take care of that first.
[ ] Might as well just reintroduce yourself to everyone at once and get the ?reunion? out of the way.

[x] Francesca mentioned that Sakuya, Meiling, and Koakuma were acting strangely. She should elaborate.

[X] Francesca mentioned that Sakuya, Meiling, and Koakuma were acting strangely. She should elaborate.
Please do.

[X] Francesca mentioned that Sakuya, Meiling, and Koakuma were acting strangely. She should elaborate.

>red fedora and sunglasses
>it's an homage to a fairy popular vampire series
Hellsing, Hell yeah! No prissy little Twilight here!

[X] Francesca mentioned that Sakuya, Meiling, and Koakuma were acting strangely. She should elaborate.

[Q] Just head over to Flandre. You rather not draw this out.

>a fairy popular vampire series

Ouch.

You ask Fran to elaborate on the situation concerning some of the senior residents. It seems that the fact that Sakuya and Meiling are now going out together is the mildest of the oddities. They've been overheard talking about parallel universes with the utmost of sincerity, but they act like it's no big concern whenever somebody presses them about it. It'd be easy to pass it off as just a little joke the ?Onee-sans? are playing on their little sisters, except China isn't the sort of person that would do that. Koakuma's death threats have resurfaced suddenly as well, having laid dormant for years; she'll randomly hold girls at blade-point and demand that they ?remember?, before giving up and reverting back to the sarcastic, scathing shut-in she is. Most of the girls assume it's just another incident waiting to happen, but it's still off-putting to be in the middle of it.

Such information reeks of conspiracy to you, but you don't have nearly enough information to make any brazen assumptions yet. You think for now you'd just like to head over to Flandre's room and do what you came here to do. The fairies look rather downcast; apparently she disappeared several days ago and no one has the foggiest idea where she went. At least Wendy left a tactless goodbye note before she left, they say. How very distressing; you liked that girl, too.

You think you can find you way around the house by yourself; you thank the girls for their help and just ask them to let you deal with this in your own way for now. They each go their separate ways and leave you to your own devices. It seems Sakuya's already fixed the hole in the ceiling; what punctuality. In the old days Remilia would have had to yell at her first.

[ ] Talk with Sakuya.
[ ] Talk with Meiling.
[ ] Talk with Koakuma.
[ ] Talk with Remilia.
[ ] Inspect Wendy's room for clues.
[ ] Inspect Flandre's room for clues.
[ ] Probe your subconscious and try and locate Koishi? or something like that.

[x] Talk with Koakuma.
She knows They've all forgotten but she knows!

[X] Talk with Remilia.

She might know Flandre's haunts outside the house.

oh wow... it's like some of the plot lines are intersecting here...

[x] Talk with Koakuma.

[x] Probe your subconscious and try and locate Koishi? or something like that.

[x] Talk with Koakuma.

You expected something like this to happen; nothing normal ever happens in Gensokyo. You have a sneaking suspicion that everyone who's ever grown up here is either partially insane, partially retarded, or pretending to be one of the above to hide their true power. Sometimes you miss the old days, when you bogged around England looking for vampires and getting ridiculed to high heaven every step of the way. At least life was predictable back then. You're immensely grateful that you're not Miss Saigyouji's official servant like Youmu; you swear she lost her brain several centuries ago and was too lazy to go look for it. Or make someone else look for it, for that matter.

Seems you've got an incident brewing on your hands. The usual way to resolve incidents is to talk to random people until fate conspires to have you run into someone that actually knows something. You opt to skip that pointlessness and just talk to someone like Koakuma directly; at least she makes sense. Hopefully she doesn't hate you anymore like she did in the past.

Her door isn't even closed, just slightly ajar; she doesn't even respond to you request to enter. You rarely ever saw her in her ?true? form, or at the very least a form that is more true than the frail human one she's forced to tote around most of the time. it's not exactly the most concerting thing to talk to, but after living in the Netherworld for a while you've grown used to it.

You can't really tell if she's surprised to see you or not; she's just a smoky black column with vaguely red smoky hair. You attempt in vain to start some kind of conversation, apologizing for the fact that you used to hunt demons, explaining why you're here, and mentioning how the other girl in the house think she's acting strangely. She responds in a detached, booming voice that you couldn't possibly understand; you weren't here. it's all a lie? it's already happened before? no one remembers anything? Even the ones who think they remember remember nothing? where is the truth?

You have a very strong feeling that you won't comprehend what she'd tell you even if she told it to you, and she isn't going to tell you regardless. Koakuma is a tight-fisted soul, and her ways are her own; you leave her be for now.

You spot Sakuya walking into Meiling's room as you exit Koakuma?s. You are not even going to bother questioning why she looks like that.

[ ] Stop her and talk to her.
[ ] Ask if you can talk to her and Meiling both.
[ ] Let her leave, but eavesdrop through the door.
[ ] Let her leave, but eavesdrop like a proper ghost would.
[ ] Let her leave. Search Flandre's room for clues.
[ ] Try Koakuma again; maybe if you ask the right questions?" (write-in is mandatory)
[ ] Probe your subconscious and try and locate Koishi? or something like that.
[ ] And Francesca what she knows about Koishi; has she changed in recent years?

[Q] Ask if you can talk to her and Meiling both.

[X] Ask if you can talk to her and Meiling both.

>Inu Sakuya
Is she three feet tall here?

[X] Ask if you can talk to her and Meiling both.

[x] Try Koakuma again; maybe if you ask the right questions?"
-[x] Why only you remember?
-[x] What are they forgetting?
-[x] Should this be stopped? How?

Her answers are limited. We have to ask the right questions.

Well, none of these other young?uns are going to investigate all these happenings, so you might as well do it for them. You are vaguely aware that you're a just a thirty-something-old human compared to all these hundred-something-old fairies or five-hundred-something older youkai-vampire-weird ladies, but do they ever actually act their age? Seriously; Youmu's right around your age too for that matter, and she's way more mature than that thousand-something Yuyuko. Then again, ghosts don't always age well.

You try to get Sakuya's attention, but another Sakuya gets your attention first! She claims to be from the future where she wasn't there to stop you and interrupted a very personal meeting between her and Meiling. It was extremely embarrassing, so she had to go back in time to prevent you from doing that. In the future she will have to inform herself that she needs to go back in time to prevent you from interrupting her. You do not have any recollection of her being able to time-travel the last time you saw her; her perfection is improving, apparently. A part of your mind tells you there's something wrong with her time loop, but in the interest of being a good sport you'll concede for now. She invites you into her room to discuss the things you were going to discuss when you barged into Meiling's room instead.

You do not stare at the dog ears. You do not stare at the dog ears. You do not stare at the dog ears. You do not stare at the dog ears.

After you do not stare at the dog ears for about a minute, you get down to business. The fairies are concerned that ?something? is ?going on?, whatever that means. What does it mean? Sakuya bites her lip, unsure of how to respond. it's? complicated, she says. That is to be expected; if it was simple the fairies wouldn't be concerned. No, like really complicated, and also very weird and not entirely believable. You shoot her ?believable? full of holes by pointing to the dog ears on her head and the ghostkerchief on yours. This is Gensokyo; it is not supposed to be very sane or make any kind of sense. This is one of the many reasons you like to stay at home.

The missing piece of the puzzle suddenly appears to you. Sakuya can't go back in time to stop you from barging into China's room unless you barge into China's room and force her to go back in time to stop you. Otherwise she won't know that you barged into her room, and would have never gone back in time to stop you from doing it in the first place!

You barge into China's room. Sakuya is topless and China has her hand to her breast. This is a very personal meeting; it is extremely embarrassing.

[ ] Rub salt into the wound.
[ ] it's a sorority house; this is about par for the course. Proceed as you intended to in the first place.
[ ] Just turn around, shut the door, count to ten, and walk back in like nothing happened.
[ ] Inquire as to why Meiling has horns now.
[ ] Remind Sakuya to remind Sakuya to go back into the past to stop you from doing what you already just did.
[ ] You're boxed in; jump out the window!

[X] Just turn around, shut the door, count to ten, and walk back in like nothing happened.

Usually works in real life. Unless they decide to start back up again. So, really, win-win situation.

[X] it's a sorority house; this is about par for the course. Proceed as you intended to in the first place.

[x] Remind Sakuya to remind Sakuya to go back into the past to stop you from doing what you already just did.

[x] Remind Sakuya to remind Sakuya to go back into the past to stop you from doing what you already just did, even if it will be completely useless
So much for perfection

[X] it's a sorority house; this is about par for the course. Proceed as you intended to in the first place.

Because life is like bad anime.

[Q] Remind Sakuya to remind Sakuya to go back into the past to stop you from doing what you already just did.

[x] it's a sorority house; this is about par for the course. Proceed as you intended to in the first place.
It was fun for a while but that is over. If time allows it it would be great if you went back to writing a regular story.

[x] >>43789

You've walked in on far worse things in the distant past. For that matter you've walked in on far worse things in the recent past; ghosts in the Netherworld aren't always aware that there's more people in the garden besides themselves. You prefer not to dwell on it. In any case you're all mature adult women here; there's no reason to act childish here. Or at least no reason for you and Meiling to; you've always wondered if Sakuya stopping her age at 19 has prevented her from actually getting any wiser

The ?present? Sakuya acts a lot more embarrassed about the matter than the present one; probably because she's already seen this happen before and was prepared for the shock. She's dressed in an instant and tries to pretend like you didn't see a thing, though she's blushing furiously. You change the subject by inquiring as to these ?alternate universes? the fairies have been hearing you talk about.

This reminds ?future? Sakuya to tell ?present? Sakuya she needs to do back in time to stop you from doing this, because that's what she was told when she war her from her perspective. "Present? Sakuya blinks away, completing the time loop and making everyone much more calm about paradoxes. You ask if this happens often around here; apparently not as often as one might think, because Sakuya's still an airhead. Sakuya punches Meiling indignantly for the sideways insult. Anyways, back to the incident.

Meiling tries to give you some sugar-coated over-simplified explanation that explains nothing but would convince a fairy if they asked. It does not fool you; you calmly ask for the real deal and are given ?the skinny?. Apparently both of them had a ?dream? about an evening which was far too real to be a dream; a possible hypothesis is a parallel universe so close to this one that the minds of their alternate-universe selves are merging with their own, or something like that. While both of them had different ?dreams? they are convinced there is a connection. They are fairly certain that Koakuma and Wendy have experienced similar phenomena, though Koakuma is being unhelpful and Wendy left the house one night never to be seen again. There are suspicions that Flandre's sudden disappearance might be a result of the same happenstance.

This sounds extremely convoluted and overly-complicated, as incidents tend to be. You're not particularly in the mood to be an investigator and seek out increasingly-more-powerful suspects in not-exactly-mortal combat all for the sake of maintaining some sort of barely-existent status quo.

[ ] But knowing how these things tend to turn out, you won't find Flandre and Koishi until you get to the bottom of it.
[ ] Just call Satori Komeiji already.
[ ] Phase partially out of the conscious world to locate Koishi.
[ ] Call in that solid Sakuya owes you from ?that one time? and tell her to find those little sisters for you. She's got time.
[ ] This is Flandre you're talking about. Maybe she's just hiding in her room really, really well. Use an ?incentive? to get her to come out.
[ ] Think outside the ?box?; walk, don't run, out the window.

[X] Just call Satori Komeiji already.

Satorin, Mind Detective.

[x] Just call Satori Komeiji already.

[X] But knowing how these things tend to turn out, you won't find Flandre and Koishi until you get to the bottom of it.

>Think outside the ?box?;
Last time I tried this, the "outside" turned out to be the inside of a bigger box.

[x] Just call Satori Komeiji already.

Who else thinks Flandre is going to burst into the story like the Kool-Aid Man?

This is getting out of hand. You didn't come here to solve everyone's problems; just to finish what a few misguided girls started in a civil and mature manner. If you keep asking random people for information you'll probably be roped into something unavoidable before you know it. Perhaps you already are; time will tell.

The smartest thing to do if you're looking for Ms. Koishi is to phone her sister. You find her number from the phonebook in the kitchen easily and dial up her number. You've heard stories of Satori Komeiji, though you've never spoke with her yourself. If she can truly read your heart, there'll be no sense beating around the bush; she'll understand what you're trying to do.

A sleepy, serene voice answers the phone. You state your name and start off by asking her if she can read hearts over the phone. She says no, Koishi is not at home right now. No sense getting flustered; you were prepared for that. You inquire as to if she knows any of her favorite places to loiter. Koishi says she accepts your apology and is very sorry for being such a royal bitch.

Oh; she snuck up on you it seems. And apparently her Eye is open, it seems. Seriously, you go away for a few years and everything changes. You start to apologize anyways but she says your heart speaks for itself; you don't need to explain it. How touching. It is at this point that depending on what kind of clich? you are supposed to be living, you would either join her in a tearful embrace, silently nod and exchange a few heartfelt words, walk out of the room stoically, attempt to kill her in wrathful vengeance, or start having angry sex.

None of these things happen. OH YEAH!

Doc Scarlet is back from the future and you'll need to come with her if you want to live! She's seen through to the other side of the looking glass and the grass is greener! You're going to Candy Mountain, Nattie; Candy Mountain~!!

[ ] Demand an explanation.
[ ] Inform her that the goggles do nothing.
[ ] Refuse to acknowledge her presence and wait until she stops being mentally retarded.
[ ] Just try to get your apology through to her and be on your way; coming here might have been a mistake in retrospect.
[ ] Humor her; you're already dead anyways. She can't do much worse.
[ ] Confer with Koishi; for once she's more helpful than Flandre is.

>>43800

Not me!

[x] Inform her that the goggles do nothing.

[x] Inform her that the goggles do nothing.

[ ] Inform her that the goggles are quite dashing.

[X] Inform her that the rather dashing goggles do nothing.

[x] Inform her that the goggles complete her overall 'look' rather nicely.

>>43803
This image is awesome.

[Q] Humor her; you're already dead anyways. She can't do much worse.

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyep.

[x] Inform her that the goggles do nothing.
[x] Refuse to acknowledge her presence and wait until she stops being mentally retarded.

[X] Inform her that the goggles do nothing.

[X] Confer with Koishi; for once she's more helpful than Flandre is.

The image of Flandre gleefully smashing Koishi in the face with that box over and over makes me smile every time I see it.

[X] Inform her that the goggles do nothing.
[X] Refuse to acknowledge her presence and wait until she stops being mentally retarded.

Quick! Seal the Wall!

Your tolerance level is beginning to reach its limit; this is a madhouse. It wasn't even close to being this inane the last time you were here; people took you seriously and acted seriously. And now you come back and every girl you meet looks more ridiculous than the one before her, blabbering on and on about fantasies that even a magic world would have a hard time believing. What possible purpose could Flandre's outfit even serve? She's wearing aviator goggles, a flight scarf and a bomber jacket for crying out loud. Even completely ignoring the fact such an aviation uniform stopped serving a purpose decades upon decades ago, she is not flying right now.

Your face conveys extreme skepticism as you tell while her scarf might at least keep her warm, the goggles serve absolutely no purpose; they do nothing. She contemplates this remark for several seconds before responding that your readjusted reference is worth about ?Five Internets?, give or take. What. What does that even mean.

Koishi has ever been on the same wavelength as the madwoman and seems to know what she's talking about. She conveys with the utmost of sincerity that Flandre is on the level and is a wellspring of knowledge of the great beyond. Those who search for the truth may do well to follow her; she will lead you to an era of understanding about your god and the universe itself.

This is blasphemy; this is madness. You don't even care that Flandre gave you another ten Internets for whatever it was you just said. You're not going anywhere with them, not if they both seem content on making a mockery of your apologetic journey. For the moment, they deserve your utter ignorance, at least unless they stop acting like petulant and impulsive children playing make-believe. They wander down to the basement after Koishi tells Flandre that you are disappointed with them.

For minutes, there is peace. The faint hum of kitchen appliances is the only sound you can hear as you stare at the hole in the wall Flandre has made. Why did she even do that; the door would have been faster, and if she was making a straight line from her room it'd have been the south wall that she'd broken. You suppose there is very little merit in questioning the logic of the insane, if they even have any to begin with.

The conspirators return, seemingly much more calm and down to business. Flandre hands you a scrap of paper with an address written on it. Go to this address, she says, and all the senselessness will begin to make sense. The paper reeks of fraud. And several other things you can't describe.

[ ] Give up. Just? give up. Go back to your home. You've forgiven her in your heart; that's enough.
[ ] Ask them if they can all act their age and discuss their problems. You'll even discuss it over tea and biscuits.
[ ] Tell Remilia her sister is home. Big sister always knows just what to do.
[ ] Why don't THEY go to the address instead, if it's so important to them?
[ ] Stop resisting. It will only hurt more in the long run.

[Q] Stop resisting. It will only hurt more in the long run.

[x] Stop resisting. It will only hurt more in the long run.

Seriously, Joanna. You found a mansion full of magical beings who weren't actually what you expected, then got sent on a tragic and untimely trip to an afterlife wasn't at all what you thought it would be, and now you're complaining that this trip isn't going as planned? There are more thing in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophies.

[X] Tell Remilia her sister is home. Big sister always knows just what to do.

Just want to see what happened to Remilia.

>Flandre hands you a scrap of paper with an address written on it.
Why do I get the feeling it's a certain familiar internet address?

[X] Tell Remilia her sister is home. Big sister always knows just what to do.

[x] Stop resisting. It will only hurt more in the long run.

Like root canals.

[X] SEAL the WALL.

[x] >>43821

You sigh a sigh of sighs beyond comprehension. This house must have it in for you; it's brought you nothing but confusion and bad memories every time you've come here. You glance at the address on the paper: some random house in the mid-western United States. It has absolutely no relevance to you, not even metaphorically. This is supposed to solve everything? You glare skeptically at the women; their faces give the illusion that they are on the level.

This is true lunacy. You cannot believe you are actually going to follow their advice. Perhaps your heart actually trusts them even though your mind does not. Perhaps you are truly curious to see if Flandre and Koishi have the ability to actually be one hundred percent serious when the occasion calls for it. Perhaps your sanity has snapped and you are as of yet unaware of it. At this point you don't really even know anymore; you're just going through the motions and attempting to maintain you grasp on reality, whether or not it actually makes sense anymore.

You tuck the paper into your pocket and, though this can hardly be called the time for it at all, tell Flandre you do not blame her for killing you; what happened, happened, and you have made your peace with yourself. She shrugs and says ?kay. The irony is sickening to you. You get out of the house and wash your hands of this mess despite still being entrenched in an entirely new mess.

Some vague time of traveling and looking at maps later, you arrive at what should be the address scribbled on the paper. It is a very unassuming three-story house on a hill in a sleepy college town, not unlike the one you just left. This still makes absolutely no sense to you. You knock on the door, but there is no answer. After several repetitions of this you just make your way inside and announce your presence. Still no response; are the residents away? You still see no indications of why this house is important. You go up to the second floor; the bedrooms are conspicuously vacant, save for one.

Who's this fool?

He, or perhaps she, looks very calm, as if (s)he was expecting you to come into the room just now. The bag-person apologizes for the insanity; (s)he got quite a bit carried away with the whole mess and in retrospect realizes perhaps it wasn't as amusing as it seemed up front. While you tend to agree with this assessment on principal, you have absolutely no idea what the bag person is talking about. It is at this point that you are regaled with a number of pieces of important information that put your experiences in that accursed house into perspective. The senselessness begins to make sense, but it is still senseless.

[ ] You are not going to have a serious discussion with a paper bag. Tell Tepes to remove that pointlessness.
[ ] You respect Tepes? paper-thin fa?ade of maintaining vague anonymity on the internet.

( ) Commend Tepes for illustrating absurdity by being absurd.
( ) Tell Tepes that you are not amused, but it's not her/him; it's you.
( ) Inform Tepes that Season 2 was not as good as Season 1.
( ) Scorn Tepes vehemently for her-or-perhaps-his pathetic descent into random mindlessness and destabilization of a good thing.
( ) Ask Tepes to give you a notebook so that you can write in it and then do that thing instead.

[X] You are not going to have a serious discussion with a paper bag. Tell Tepes to remove that pointlessness.
-[X] Commend Tepes for illustrating absurdity by being absurd.

[x] You respect Tepes? paper-thin fa?ade of maintaining vague anonymity on the internet.
(x) Inquire as to Tepes' progress on your own Ghost's Story, part 2.

[ ] You are not going to have a serious discussion with a paper bag. Tell Tepes to remove that pointlessness.
( ) Ask Tepes to give you a notebook so that you can write in it and then do that thing instead.

[X] You are not going to have a serious discussion with a paper bag. Tell Tepes to remove that pointlessness.
(X) Scorn Tepes vehemently for her-or-perhaps-his pathetic descent into random mindlessness and destabilization of a good thing.

[x] You're boxed in, jump out the window!

[X] You are not going to have a serious discussion with a paper bag. Tell Tepes to remove that pointlessness.

Doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, we don't really care.

[X] You are not going to have a serious discussion with a paper bag. Tell Tepes to remove that pointlessness.

Watch as the brown paper visage is pulled away to reveal a second paper bag, but with a moustache drawn on.

It is certainly possible that at this moment in your life, you should be reeling from the realization that you are nothing more than a fictional character in a fictional universe, and that you are currently in the room of your very author, made possible by a convoluted series of self-references and semi-gratuitous self-insertions over the Internet. Perhaps it was this realization which broke Flandre's mind in the first place, preventing her from ever being able to distinguish between the reality of this universe and the reality of the universe of her creator. This might also bring some sort of religious paradox into play concerning who and where ?your God? is now.

But there are more pressing matters at hand. Such as the crippling insecurity of Mr.-and-or-Ms. Tepes to choose a definitive gender on the internet. You know almost nothing about the culture of this new technology, but you can say with some certainty that truly understanding people could care less about such a petty thing, especially considering a face-to-face meeting with any of them will never happen. You persuade Tepes to stop being a Pac-Man ghost.

Why it appears that Princess Tepes is, predictably, male; a pointless and ironic charade which the feminine nature of his internet name shielded needlessly for months. He makes some shallow excuse about ?fussing over the accuracy of his create-dot-s-w-f avatar?, but by the tone of his voice you can tell the excuse is unnecessary and most likely simply masks his insecurity over his inability to achieve perfection, not unlike a certain silver-haired maid you know of. He also thinks his hat isn't silly enough. You tend to disagree; it says Spam on it. Spam is very silly.

You have mixed feelings about all of this. You appreciate the brilliance in ?illustrating absurdity by being absurd? in principal, considering the nonsensical nature of the world in which you dwell; perhaps more pasquinades about it would do the society good. In principal. But you have doubts that Tepes? approach is the most appropriate for proving such a point. His satire and humor have in recent plot progressions been overshadowed by niche comedic nonsense and absurdity for the sake of absurdity. In taking the readers outside of the medium of the story, he compromises the impact of his words and perhaps runs the risk of his reach exceeding his grasp. Considering his story's failure would be rather problematic for you, you feel it would be prudent to slap some sense into this young man. You inform him rather directly that perhaps he is trying too hard to be funny?

These words seem to strike a chord with your author, and you wonder why he could not have simply told himself this. Perhaps you are merely a mouthpiece for a voice of reason that was spoken to Tepes by a friend that has more perspective on the situation. In either case, you hope you are making progress, because quite frankly this adventure of yours is getting rather tiresome. Tepes does not have a very concrete idea on where to go from here, and thus, neither do you.

Seriously now, what's your opinion on where to go from here?

[ ] Ignore people such as >>43789, >>43842, >>43746, and >>43830. They are either just joking, or are the minority. I should keep going as I see fit, absurdity or no absurdity.
--( ) Don't ask what Lunatic Modo is going to be; just change in blindly. RIDE INTO THE DANGER ZONE!
--( ) Ask what Lunatic Modo is going to be so you can immediately shoot it down. You don't trust anyone that does not wear a silly hat.
[ ] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.
[ ] The Derp has run its course and should be set aside. Go back to writing shorts; I do have quite the que.
[ ] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.
[ ] Start another CYOA already I'm not doing this guys; it's too much of a long-term time commitment.

[x] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.

[B] The Derp has run its course and should be set aside. Go back to writing shorts; I do have quite the que.

[!] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.
[!] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.

I'd like to see this continue, just minus all the meta.

[X] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.

Look, I liked the absurdity in Flandre's scenario because she doesn't view the world the way psychologically stable people do. But when you tried to top that in Natasha's scenario, you broke my suspension of disbelief. You need to pace out character exaggeration and make it fit, lest you FlandreFlanderize them.

[ ] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.

For fuck's sake, enough witht he meta. It destroyed the Flandre Derp, there was so muhc potential in it, but it was allw asted on the fucking meta.

[X] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.
[X] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.

Meiling's story was easily the best one.

>Why it appears that Princess Tepes is, predictably, male; a pointless and ironic charade which the feminine nature of his internet name shielded needlessly for months.
You broke my heart.

[x] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.
something like with Meiling. Needs more crazy choices.

Nice hat.

[X] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.
[X] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.

[X] Take a break from Derp and write some shorts. Come back to it after I've simmered down.
[X] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.

It was good while it lasted...it was just better at the beginning.

You bring Tepes back around to a rational train of thought. Meta-gaming is cute for a quick joke here and there, but making a legitimate plot out of it is true lunacy, at least in the medium he's chosen to write in. Good stories are good on their own merits, not because an alternate-universe version of the author comes back from the future of a Bad End and tells the readers that in the future, the story was good. See, that didn't even make sense; you show Tepes just what he's been doing to his faithful readers.

Tepes concedes. All he wanted to do was make people laugh with absurd antics, but he admits that he just got blinded by the spotlight for a while. Fortunately, the wisdom of Anon has reached his ears and told him he sucks before things got too far out of hand; he makes a swift-yet-heartfelt apology for the oversight. He then quotes supposedly-famous philosopher ?Strong Bad?, who once said that ?too much of a good thing, is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is really, really dumb, and bad." You have never heard of this philosopher and find his wisdom dubious at best.

The day is saved, and everyone is at peace with themselves, probably. You ask what in the world you're supposed to do now. Tepes just suggests you hang around in his room or hard drive or something; you're an original character in a story that's finished and won't be in any more Derp Wars, so you'll just have to hang around until the sequel to A Ghost's Story is released, which might take a while since Tepes has been wasting all his time tangling himself up in self-references that you've already concluded to be a bad idea. Perhaps he'll start working on it once midterm exams are over. For the moment, it looks like less derp in his life would do him good?

Sparkly Lilith enacts her just revenge.

SEE YOU SPACE COWGIRL?

[x] Seal off the forth/fifth wall and go back to classic Derp. Everyone knows the original trilogy was better.

DERP WARS
Dramatic error: recalibrating perspective?

UPDATE PATCH NOTES:
{+} Fixed numerous bugs allowing players to walk through walls.
{+} Fixed graphical glitch preventing players from seeing all unlocked characters.
{+} Changed the classification of Character Abilities from ?Active? to ?Implied?.
{+} Removed Extra Mode due to open-beta balance issues.
{+} Removed the ?Continuous Memory? ability from some NPCs due to open-beta balance issues.
{+} Fixed graphical glitch causing random WORDS to be displayed in CAPITAL LETTERS.
{+} Added ?Premise? dossier to un-played characters.

Derp Wars will be on hiatus for a period of no shorter than two weeks, giving you all plenty of time to cast your vote!

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:

[OK!]Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC

[ ] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: Your big alchemy presentation is tomorrow, but your housemates are very inconsiderate of this fact. Find ways to get them to leave you alone!

[OK!] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: You don't care how deviant your housemates think you are; you are having a romantic date with a very eligible bachelor tonight, and you are going to enjoy it. Show these preschoolers how a real woman gets things done!

[OK!] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Sunhilda: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Today's your twenty-first birthday, and everyone knows what that means, right? You could care less about what happens tonight; a girl's got to live it up to the max at least once in her life!

[ ] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Everyone is picking on you for reasons you don't understand. You don't care if it's just a joke; you don't think it's very funny!

[ ] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: All the upperclasswomen are out of town for the night, leaving you in charge. Make sure the other girls don't get into too much trouble while they're gone!

[OK!] Wendy: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Therese: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: You are Iron Man. You are Spartacus. You are Morpheus. You're the goddamn Batman. WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK YOU ARE?! Use your shapeshifting for maximum hijinks!

[ ] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: In the distant past, you emerged victorious in the war of ?Francesca versus the Telephone?. But now, how can you hope to win the war of? "Francesca versus the Internet?!?. it's a good thing your friends will be on this ?Internet Relay Chat? thingy to help you out!

[ ] Sapphire: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: Remilia promised that tonight would be a vampire-girl's night out with just you, her, and Flandre, but only if you get all your chores finished to her satisfaction. The quicker you're done, the more time you'll have to rock the hell out!

[OK!] Natasha: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

[ ] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: Flandre bet you one day of absolute servitude for every pair of panties you can steal from the other girls in the house without them even noticing. Sure; why not? There's a secret bonus prize for stealing Flandre's own pair!

[ ] Princess Tepes: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: A story in which you choose MY own adventure! I promise that this will employ zero fourth-wall breaks; I cannot promise that it won't pay occasional homage to MS Paint Adventures. Authentic real-world first-person view courtesy of perhaps the universe's cheapest digital camera!

[X] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

The others are going to find some way of burning the house down, aren't they?

[x] Koishi's Underwear Thieving Escapade

[x] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

Tully never did get much play.

[x] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC
Raid it.

[x] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

>I promise that this will employ zero fourth-wall breaks

"Breaks" being the key-word here, right? How can you break the fourth wall if it's already broken?

[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Zero seems a bit harsh, but I suppose you want to get drastic measures.

[x] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

Oh yes, finally!

[X] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

[x] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

I have always wanted to be the goddamn Koishi.

[X] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

This better play out like Metal Gear.

[X]Patchouli
Finally, a story where we can PLAY as Patchy.

>Princess Tepes is male
Supposedly. ...Anyone else think Tepes' avatar looks an awful lot like Naoto?

So there's this one girl called Komeiji Koishi who may or may not be you; no one's really sure. She goes around all the time being kind of a bitch and doesn't afraiding of anything, because sometimes people are just insensitive like that. But she sounds nice and has a stylin' hat so people tend to forgive her for that. There's probably a very sad past hidden behind all that which gives her character depth and makes her pitiable, but you know that she's the kind of girl who doesn't give a rat's ass about that, because she doesn't go about blurting that little detail out to just anyone. That's only reserved for people she'd want to be a special kind of bitch to, like her girlfriend who isn't actually her girlfriend.

Yeah, you're totally that girl.

At your sister Satori's bequest you entered college so you could stop being a complete leech on society. The joke is on her; you're not actually enrolled but go to class anyways, because honestly, it's not that hard to get away with even without your powers. Sometimes you like to blurt out open-ended and tactless questions in the middle of lecture just to watch the professor squirm trying to answer them when he can't find out who actually said it. There's also free donut holes in the Humanities lecture hall on Fridays if you can get there before eleven.

You've got a long-standing rivalry going on with one Flandre Scarlet, the girl you might be a lesbian for, if you were a lesbian, or maybe you already are. No one's really very clear on that, including yourself, which is exactly the way you like it. She currently holds the crown for Queen of Shenanigans after winning it from you in a heated cosplay parkour war, but she's offering you the chance to win it back! The rewards are supple, and the rules are simple: steal her housemate's panties, while they're wearing them, without them noticing. Other people might have asked for a specific number of thefts, but you and her both know that shenanigans cannot be quantified! Of course, you haven't told her today is the day you're going for it, but that's the idea, isn't it?

The crisp, spring morning is as clear as a crisp spring morning. You observe the house from above, sitting in a tree like one of those annoying squirrels those tacticool airsoft guys would probably shoot at if campus security wouldn't slam down on them for it. Truly this Scarlet-stained sorority is an impregnable fortress that only the most important of main characters can breach with no complications whatsoever. You must be cautious; unlike one of your role models, The Joker, you cannot just "do" things. High-quality shenanigans require the subtlety of the radio playing in the office that is just loud enough to annoy your coworkers but not loud enough for them to complain about it without looking petty.

They asked you to turn it down anyways. You told them you would. But you didn't.


[ ] Waltz through the front door like you own the place. It's what you usually do anyways, and they still haven't caught on.
[ ] Peek through the windows and see who's still asleep. Easy prey~
[ ] Wait for someone to open a door or window for you. Path of least resistance.
[ ] Go through the secret exit to the secret tunnel Flandre thinks you haven't found yet.
[ ] Forget Mongoose; that isn't the overt training.

The Rundown:
-- Hi. Remember this?
-- Daily or near-daily updates like in the olden days; these things write themselves.
-- I also use a fake name to write this sometimes: >>/others/32264
-- Priceless isn't going anywhere; this is a low-calorie snack that is less filling but tastes great.
-- A 2003 action film with Dwayne Johnson and Christopher Walken.

Not exactly what I would have hoped for, but I'll take it.
Francisca in Gensokyo. AFT 2: Electric Boogaloo. You know you want to write it, Princess.

[X] Waltz through the front door like you own the place. It's what you usually do anyways, and they still haven't caught on.

it seems the daily SDM refresh yields something nice this time

[X]Moonwalk through the front door like you own the place. It's what you usually do anyways, and they still haven't caught on

[X] Peek through the windows and see who's still asleep. Easy prey~

I was going to vote for the tunnel, but then I thought that Flandre might want us to think she thinks Koishi hasn't found the tunnel, but in fact she thinks Koishi has found the tunnel and is watching it like a hawk. Wait, that's a lot of thinking and my brain's starting to hurt. Gotta do thinkgs unconsiously.

[X] Go through the secret exit to the secret tunnel Flandre thinks you haven't found yet.

>>I was going to vote for the tunnel, but then I thought that Flandre might want us to think she thinks Koishi hasn't found the tunnel, but in fact she thinks Koishi has found the tunnel and is watching it like a hawk. Wait, that's a lot of thinking and my brain's starting to hurt. Gotta do thinkgs unconsiously.

Ah, but if Flan knows that Koishi knows about the tunnel, then she would know that Koishi wouldn't go for the tunnel precisely because she would be watching it, and thus would be watching everything else BUT the tunnel in anticipation of her not the using the tunnel. That leaves the tunnel way open. So open, in fact, that there is no way Flan couldn't possibly NOT be keeping an eye on it, and thus making it a trap. However, that also means there is no way Koishi can NOT pick it, because to do otherwise would be extremely boring.

>>45750

Do you still have to use a fake name, U.N. Owen? The charade is done. It's not like you need to fool anyone else.

[X] Forget Mongoose.

[x] Go through the secret exit to the secret tunnel Flandre thinks you haven't found yet.

I fucking love Christopher Walken. And Derp Wars. In that order.

[x] Waltz through the front door like you own the place. It's what you usually do anyways, and they still haven't caught on. [x] Go through the secret exit to the secret tunnel Flandre thinks you haven't found yet.


Mind games!" Inconcievable! But the answer is simple! All we have to do is divine the answer from what we know from the past! Sakuya was the one who tied us up last time, so clearly we don't want to walk through the front door. But she is able to observe everywhere at once, and something unguarded like the tunnel would also be under even closer observation which would make Sakuya suspicious of what we intend to do, so we can clearly not choose the secret tunnel. We played a part in causing the incident with the late Natasha so the Sigma Delta Mu would be also suspicious of us walking in since they know we are usually up to something when we arrive, so clearly we cannot simply enter and steal so easily. IT HAS WORKED! I FIGURED IT OUT! I KNOW THE WAY TO ENTER!

[x] Get involved in a land war with China.


[x] Forget Mongoose; that isn't the overt training.

[x] Go through the secret exit to the secret tunnel Flandre thinks you haven't found yet.

Does this lead to Flandre's secret place?

[x] Peek through the windows and see who's still asleep. Easy prey~
two surprises on the same day.

Called for "secret tunnel". General plan will be to get it all written during work, then post at about 2200-2300 GMT once I get access to my Photoshop files.

>>45751
is. One step at a time, friend.

>>45753
That's only if you're fighting against Koishi. But now you are Koishi. Do whatever the hell you want.

>>45757
No, see, you got it all wrong. Owen is actually the fake name, and I was Tepes from the very beginning!

>>45768
Two?

>>45769

That's starting to get stupid, Owen.

>>45777
nofunallowed.jpg

There's what people say, and then there's what peoplemean. But that's your sister's song and dance; your tune is knowing what people want. It's the most basic impulse in the world, wanting things; nobody can hide it from you. And not just the boring things like food and water and sex; everybody wants those things. Some people might find it odd that you find sex so boring given those silly rumors about some of your spellcards, but those people are not you; it's far more intriguing when you find a person who doesn't want sex. Those people are hard to find, though; you make a habit of not pissing off the Koakuma-thingy too much lest it no longer put up with your shenanigans. You can't help yourself, though; she's just so interesting to mess with!

So when Flandre says to steal her housemate's underwear, you know she actually wants you to try and steal hers. Cheeky little cloistered deviant, thinking she's smarter than you again and again by taunting you like that. But that's what makes it fun for you; her predicable unpredictability has just the right amount of unpredictable predictability in it to keep you on your toes, and it's tripped you up more than once. You had her number on that parkour war, too, but you thought she was switching her silly little "Final Fantasy" costumes based on the Fibonacci series when she was actually just using escalating primes. It's little slips like that which can cost you everything in a battle of wits, and she lords it over you every time. It's borderline intolerable.

Oh, there you go again, acting like you actually have emotions. You swear one of these days if you're not careful you're going to start feeling sorry for yourself, and then you'd be totally lost. Can't have that, now can you?

You'll play Flandre's little game, then, and by play you mean cheat. She's been working on that not-all-that-secret-anymore tunnel for at least a week now, which means judging by what she thinks your track record is she won't be expecting you to have found it for a few more days; you're golden. You amble on over to a patch of inconspicuous grass that looks exactly like every other patch of grass and promptly ignore it; the other side of the tunnel is underneath the conspicuous pile of broken mattresses Flandre put there last week because she was tired of seeing them in the basement taking up space that could be better used by a pile of empty boxes. That might be enough nonsense for other people, but not you. You know better than that.

Looks like she's been slacking off quite a bit; it's little more than a narrow, snaking hole in the ground. She doesn't even have reinforcements up on the dirt; it's like she wants it to cave in on her. Or you, perhaps, but you've quite underestimated her if she knows you know already. The tunnel reminds you of your home back downstate. You might consider getting sentimental about something like this, but thankfully you're a heartless bitch and don't have to worry about those kinds of distractions. Isn't life just splendiferous?

True to form, the tunnel does not come out in Flandre's room, but rather the basement closet; young Miss Scarlet is a wonderful sister and excellent tenant who improves the house for the good of everyone so that all may enjoy the secretive fun of an underground tunnel rather than selfishly hogging all the fun for herself. That or she still thinks she can keep you out by not having it lead directly into her room. At the moment you don't really care which one is true, and in the future you probably still won't.

The walls have been breached and the fox is in the henhouse now. You'll show them why always wearing skirts is a bad idea. You wear one too, but you're currently the Queen of Double-Standards. Marisa wasn't exactly very happy about losing that one, but she really had no reason to be; that crown's been passed around like some kind of contagious disease for years now.


[ ] Lurk in a bathroom. Catch them at their most vulnerable~
[ ] Check the third floor bedrooms. Those underclassmen just love sleeping in.
[ ] Wait in the kitchen. They'll be too preoccupied with breakfast to notice you.
[ ] Just wander around for a bit. Get a feel for the lay of the land; half the fun is to plan the plan~
[ ] Go bug Koakuma; all work and no fun makes Koishi exactly the same as she already is.
[ ] Flandre's hubris beckons?
--( ) Single-cross
--( ) Double-cross
--( ) Triple-cross
--( ) Quadruple-cross
--( ) Quintuple-cross

[x] Wait in the kitchen. They'll be too preoccupied with breakfast to notice you.

Time to get revenge for getting caught by Sakuya. I don't care if it was implied that Koishi let herself get caught, revenge is revenge.

[x] Just wander around for a bit. Get a feel for the lay of the land; half the fun is to plan the plan~

[X] Wait in the kitchen. They'll be too preoccupied with breakfast to notice you.
-[X] Grab some food while you're at it.

Hmm, I just thought of something. What happens if the targets later notice they aren't wearing panties and put on a fresh pair? Do the ones Koishi stole get invalidated? Best to avoid the sleepers and bathroom goers if that's the case, since they'll quickly notice. Adding in the food theft since wandering gormet Koishi is always appropriate.

[X] Just wander around for a bit. Get a feel for the lay of the land; half the fun is to plan the plan~

I get the feeling Koishi's and Flandre's contests play out like Calvinball, but with less structure, and a lot less balls.

[x] Lurk in a bathroom. Catch them at their most vulnerable~
Why take off panties when they do it themselves?

[x] Lurk in a bathroom. Catch them at their most vulnerable~
This vote might be it.

[X] Wait in the kitchen. They'll be too preoccupied with breakfast to notice you.
-[X] Grab some food while you're at it.

Well, you can't just sit here and look at the brand new pile of empty boxes all day; that's the kind of thing Flandre would do. You drag your hand across the wall as you skip up the stairs, wishing you had a permanent marker to drag instead, just to see how long it'd take people to notice.

Speaking of defacing private property, it looks like that hapless maid of time infinite has been slacking off; there's far too many cobwebs, dirt speckles, and random odd ends around this house. This is not the pinnacle of beauty and sex appeal the media has fed to you about sorority houses, regardless of the idealized appearances most of these young and attractive women have anyways. The only kind of disarray you should be seeing is ripped feather pillows and leftover whipped cream. You should really give Sakuya a small piece of hell for that, even though she's just another resident and not a maid at all because as the house maid she has absolutely no reason to not be cleaning forty-two hours a day, nine days a week.

Also someone should really clean up that pile of shoes by the entryway. There's like thirty pairs over there, seriously.

You take a look inside of the kitchen. Empty, but the smell of cinnamon lingers in the air; someone must have made some oatmeal recently. If someone's already come and gone, people should start trickling in here if you wait, and like you said, they'll probably be fulfilling their want for food too much to notice something silly like proper undergarments.

Speaking of food, you think you want some food yourself. You pop open the community refrigerator and rummage around looking for objects with sharpied names written on them to ?borrow?. If they really cared about keeping their food safe, they'd have put it in their own rooms, so that means they don't care, and there's no problem~! You procure a jar of Remilia's yogurt and the last of Sunhilda's oranges, thanklessly leaving the empty mesh bag in the fridge. That Remi sure doesn't skimp on the goods; this is the fancy European stuff with the enzymes in it that's supposed to add years to your life. You find this a little redundant since she's already a vampire, but it's of little consequence to you. Free things always taste better~

As you loll about on the back counter supping on delicious freedoms, a barefoot and sleepy-haired Sunhilda trudges into the room, wearing a long-sleeve shirt that's about three sizes too big for her but looks very comfortable for sleeping in. She of course pays you no nevermind and zeroes in on the fridge, perhaps looking for a certain bag of citrus fruit. You buy yourself a handful of extra seconds by nudging her subconscious into forgetting exactly where she thought she saw the oranges last; the clutter of the fridge and her sleepiness will take care of the rest. As she bends over to check the bottom shelf, her shirt slips to the side, and you notice that she's not even wearing any sleeping shorts! Her panties are visible for the world to see; how scandalous~! they're pastel yellow with a slightly darker trim, and a single sunburst on the back. Not any brand you recognize; some kind of specially-ordered design? You make a note to probe her mind later and find out what hidden lewd urges might compel her to such unique intimates.

Eventually she finds the empty mesh bag with a dissatisfied harrumph. Fortunately you don't even have to bother with anything else; she immediately suspects Wed-?Don't call me Wendy"-Nesday due to her long list of priors. Grumbling under her breath you hear her say how this house is not the untamed wilderness, and you cannot just go foraging for food as you please. You respectfully disagree; you just need to learn how to not get caught. That rude little Wendy, stealing vittles from the hard-working Sunhilda like this. How dare she.


[ ] Those panties are sitting on a silver platter. Take them now while she's distracted with thought!
[ ] Use the orange you ?borrowed? to create some kind of ruse and give yourself a better opening.
[ ] Make her think about why her name is so dumb. She might go whine to Flandre about it and give you an in!
[ ] Follow her back to her den, so that you might capture the whole pack!
[ ] The clever hunter knows when to pass on a mark. Instead, fashion a marvelous trap with which to ensnare several at once!

If you're going for the panties?
--( ) Make a break for it; take no chances!
--( ) Hang around; you can milk a few more pairs out of the kitchen probably

[ ] Those panties are sitting on a silver platter. Take them now while she's distracted with thought!
--( ) Hang around; you can milk a few more pairs out of the kitchen probably

[x] Make her think about why her name is so dumb. She might go whine to Flandre about it and give you an in!

Maybe Flandre will be too busy being crazy to notice.

[x] The clever hunter knows when to pass on a mark. Instead, fashion a marvelous trap with which to ensnare several at once!

Just as planned.

[x] Use the orange you ?borrowed? to create some kind of ruse and give yourself a better opening.
-[x](Hang around)

[X] Those panties are sitting on a silver platter. Take them now while she's distracted with thought!
--(X) Hang around; you can milk a few more pairs out of the kitchen probably

Why waste a perfectly good orange?

[X] Make her think about why her name is so dumb. She might go whine to Flandre about it and give you an in!

EYES ON THE PRIZE

[X] Those panties are sitting on a silver platter. Take them now while she's distracted with thought!
--(X) Hang around; you can milk a few more pairs out of the kitchen probably

>>45810
In case you are not from X:

-EST is GMT-4
-A mile is 1.609344km
-An inch is 2.54 Centimeters
-A pound is 0.45359237 Kilograms
-Fox news has pro-chen bias

You know what, whatever, update pushed back until tomorrow morning. It's not actually written because I spent today's work breaks finishing the Priceless update. That'll be up sometime tomorrow too.

Captain America was a good movie. Spoiler: AMERICA WINS THE WAR.

>>45822
I want to see a realist movie where Uncle Sam get his ass kicked for good.

This is just too good of an opportunity to pass up! She's distracted and only half-awake, and dressed like that flashing her goods all over the place she's just asking to get herself deflowered. Kids these days. You are so going to tap that ass.

Setting your legitimate breakfast aside, you creep up behind the girl and wait until she stops grumbling long enough to start rummaging around for an alternative food source. She's just about your height so it feels perfectly natural when you loop your finger around the elastic hem and start slipping them down. You gracefully crouch down to the ground as you shimmy them down past her ankles and drop them onto the floor. Vaginas are totally boring and are not even that sexy when they're just sitting there; no need to gawk and stare like you've never seen one before. Why, they're so commonplace even you have one!

The ever-so-slightly tricky part isn't getting them off; you are so smooth you are like the panty-dropping master. The trick is making sure the girl doesn't trip on them as she walks out of them; trying to pull them off her feet yourself is a dangerous move that tends to get you slapped and/or kicked in the face after the onset of a totally foreseen and clich'd squeal. You steady your grip on the panties like a human child playing Operation as Sunny shuffles her feet an inch here and an inch there, finding her backup food supply. Hands of a surgeon, truly.

Finally she just grabs a milk jug and walks to the cupboard for some cereal, with you twirling your wrists deftly as you liberate the panties from their owner in earnest. Regular as clockwork; she doesn't suspect a thing~ You keep a finger on her mind for while to be safe, keeping her focused on those natural urges of food and food-based retribution. it's a delicate thing, probing the subconscious; the key isn't being gentle, but rather being gradual, slowly turning up and down the heat so that nobody suspects a thing. You can make people do the most extreme sorts of things as long as you just work them up to it a bit. Satori keeps telling you that it's ?wrong? and ?unkind? and ?irresponsible? to toy with people's minds like that, but are you really making them do anything, or are you just speeding up the process a bit? After all, you know better than anyone what people really want.

All Sunny wants is to be strong and well-adjusted like Meiling without having to give up being a party girl. By stealing her panties you're actually making her a stronger person and increasing the chances that she'll warm up to the idea of slipping them off herself to have a ?party? with some eligible bachelor. So you're actually the nicest person in this house! How fortunate that the SDM has such a compassionate and helpful guardian angel looking over them!

Hah; nope. Couldn't keep a straight face~

You drift back over to your corner of the counter, absentmindedly twirling the yellow panties in your fingers. How pleasant; they smell like summer. That's the nice thing about fairy panties: they don't smell like ass. Speaking of ass, you really need to look into those so-called ?disgusting fetishists? more; some people are pretty twisted in the head to obsesses over some of those things. Twisted is always fun! That is why Flandre will always be your #2 favorite person to mess with. #1 is yourself, of course; there's never a dull time fighting against the other you that still has all that emotional baggage inside of her. You can't just be a lifeless and hollow shell of your former self, you have to work for it!

The tall fairy and yourself share your silent breakfasts with each other uneventfully. As she begins to scrape the bottom of her bowl, Tullia pads in with an empty cup of oatmeal; the initial perpetrator is revealed! They exchange customary words as the platinum-haired one scrubs out her cup in the sink; such a responsible girl she is. She then asks Sunhilda if the two of them are ready to try and decipher the horrible legalese of that club registration form before the deadline tonight. Sunny says she was waiting for Fransesca to wake up for that, but if it's going to be such a pain in the butt she can just keep knocking on her door until she's awake; that usually works.


[ ] Go for Tullia now before she leaves; she's only got a robe on, shouldn't be that hard.
[ ] Create a distraction to keep Tullia here a little longer; deception is the key to everything!
[ ] Follow them up to Fran's room; Fran is like the easiest target ever.
[ ] Check on the other residents while the awake people converse; see if there's other silver platters about.

[x] Create a distraction to keep Tullia here a little longer; deception is the key to everything!
Indeed. Deception is the key to stealing panties.

[x] Create a distraction to keep Tullia here a little longer; deception is the key to everything!

We have to get all 7 panties to unlock the Flandre panty route.

[X] Create a distraction to keep Tullia here a little longer; deception is the key to everything!

>Hah; nope. Couldn't keep a straight face~
Kay Johnson, we're not done here.

[X] Check on the other residents while the awake people converse; see if there's other silver platters about.

Anyone who would make it easy deserves to not have their panties now, rather than later.

[x] Create a distraction to keep Tullia here a little longer; deception is the key to everything!
One per one, all will fail!

[x] Follow them up to Fran's room; Fran is like the easiest target ever.

[x] Follow them up to Fran's room; Fran is like the easiest target ever.

Tullia... Here's a girl that's only occasionally worth any of your time. In contrast you bet your sister would practically fawn over a girl like this, if she were into floating around looking at people's hearts like you, which she's not. She's content to just sit around in her off-campus house with her one dozen pets they wouldn't let her have if she lived in the dorms, doing her online courses and not bothering anyone with her so-called creepy mind-reading powers. She knows exactly what she's missing, which is what makes it so pathetic.

Speaking of content, this girl always feels content too. Strong-willed, calm, and peaceful. Not really someone who "wants" a whole lot, as you've found out. Nineteen times out of twenty this means she's shocking boring to probe, because there's just nothing there to do in there. Oh, you'll get the occasional day where she's feeling a little flighty and you'll push her buttons a bit, but you've just go no material with that girl. There's better people who'll put out a lot easier than her, anyways.

These underclassmen are all small-fries; too young and too unaware of their surroundings to be any sort of challenge to you. That little bubblegum girl is the only one who puts up a fight, probably because she's still a pure and virgin flower who's mind has not yet been stuffed with the fat cheeseburgers of society. In the time it would take for you to plumb the depths of that statement you could have probably already liberated Tuesday's underwear, so you might as well get to that first.

While the fairies discuss the propriety of breaking Francesca's door in, you slide over to the fridge and ease it open ever so slightly. With a practiced grip well-versed in the deft arts of sleight of hand, you softly wedge Sunny's orange into the gap between the door and the frame, and then stand next to Tullia. That orange should slip out before long, if one of them doesn't open the fridge and make it slip out sooner; either way, you expect Sunny's poignant and confused reaction will sufficiently distract Tullia long enough for your minor shenanigan.

Regular as clockwork. When Sunny goes to put the milk away, she is magically reunited with her long-lost orange that had simply been misplaced precariously in one of the door shelves and certainly had never left the fridge for even a second. Her stupefied reaction is enough to get Tullia interested, being the caring and motherly figure she is. While the two talk about things like not jumping to conclusions and not being prejudiced against Wendy just because she grew up with different customs, you easily slide under the elder's robe and thief her lame white generic ladies? briefs. She was even gracious enough to hover into the air to match Sunny's height, making your job ridiculously easy.

The two shortly leave the kitchen, nether regions completely defenseless and none the wiser. You puff out one of your cheeks in thought now that you have the room to yourself. This is no fun at all! These spoon-fed panties could hardly be considered shenanigans; Flandre will never stand for such lameness as this! Granted, things might heat up once girls finally start realizing their panties are missing, but with cakewalks like this you'll be out of here long before they puzzle together that you're the culprit. A master criminal like yourself shouldn't be picking low-hanging fruit like this; you've got a reputation to uphold! Not like you really care about it, but Flandre kinda does, and you kinda care about Flandre maybe? You'll be sure to ask yourself that the next time you work up enough courage to try and get emotional again before realizing how silly and futile such a thing really is. Koa can totally see you right now. You don't really care because neither does she/it. Hi Koa.


[ ] Chill with the disgruntled spirit from the beyond.
[ ] Go after Monica. The last practice round should be the hardest.
[ ] See if Meiling's morning Tai-Chi routine has enough inner-focus to stop you!
[ ] Patchouli always thinks her detection spells can stop you. How optimistic of her~
[ ] Is Sakuya still harboring hidden urges for China? If so then this should be fun~"
[ ] Ahh, Remilia, the world-wise and manipulative foe? We meet again.
[ ] Best check on Flandre soon so you can start fabricating the MASTER PLAN.

[x] Patchouli always thinks her detection spells can stop you. How optimistic of her~

Her underestimation will lose her panties.

[x] Ahh, Remilia, the world-wise and manipulative foe? We meet again.
A battle to end all battles

[x] Best check on Flandre soon so you can start fabricating the MASTER PLAN.

Time to produce some just as planned.

[x] Best check on Flandre soon so you can start fabricating the MASTER PLAN.

[x] Ahh, Remilia, the world-wise and manipulative foe? We meet again.
A battle to end all battles

[X] Ahh, Remilia, the world-wise and manipulative foe? We meet again.

Getting a fairy hat-trick is tempting, but after two easy ones it's time to step up to some more challenging quarry.

[x] Is Sakuya still harboring hidden urges for China? If so then this should be fun~?

[ ] Ahh, Remilia, the world-wise and manipulative foe? We meet again.

[x] Is Sakuya still harboring hidden urges for China? If so then this should be fun~?

You and Koakuma are about as much of a non-issue as two people could possibly be. She doesn't bother with her tirades against you because she knows you won't listen in the first place and feel no guilt. How she so desperately wishes to make your ears bleed about your overwhelming hubris and unchecked cruelty, about how right and wrong is not simply based on your individual perspective of the matter. You almost wish she would rant to you about it just to see what futile methods she would employ to get you to feel bad about yourself. And considering that's pretty much the only thing she ever does you're practically worthless to her. On the flip side her otherworldly subconscious is a gold mine of strange thoughts and feelings, but you really can't take full advantage of it without incurring her wrath; she of all beings is very touchy about being manipulated against her will. To date you've never even been able to hide your presence from her, a fact that would hardly bode well for you if she'd care to take advantage of it. Fortunately she doesn't, so you're free to go about not caring and being a magnificent little prick every time you visit. How nice of her~

The little spirit can wait for today, though. You need to keep on the top of your game if you want to show Flandre who really holds all the cards around here. All this thought of little devils has got your mind going about Remilia now. Now there is a challenge worthy of your expertise! As a proper vampire she's got crazy-good senses and knows all of the little manipulative tricks in the book; the second something seems out of place she'll spot you like it was nothing. And unlike most of the doormats living in this house, she doesn't put up with anyone's shit; you can't just put on a happy face and weasel your way out of her clutches once she's got you; that is reserved for magical men which do not exist in reality who have charisma and charm in spades but are entirely clich'd and boring because you've seen them before in every romantic work of fiction ever. Remilia is a woman who wants what she wants and she wants to want it because she wants it that way; it's not that hard to understand.

You step out the back door and float over to Remilia's second-story window; a far safer and more old-school method of peeping than what kids these days use with their spy cameras and their invisibility potions and their niche fetish doujin artists. Technology makes perverts lazy and not appreciate their efforts; the instant gratification has left their inner urges unsatisfied and ever craving more, like an addict slowly building a resistance to his harsh toke, dude. Truly it is a pathetic existence where an abundance of pleasure serves as the catalyst for one's own self-destruction. You like watching self-destruction; you get to pour salt on wounds and say "I told you so~" a lot. Remilia isn't a pervert, though; she's an up-and-coming young lady with big aspirations and an image to keep. As much as you'd love to, you never catch her doing all those improper deviant things a person like Flandre thinks of doing. Or does, for that matter.

Wait what are you saying you don't love to do anything. "Love"? What a humorous concept. Who put these ideas into your head?! You'd be very angry at them right now if you knew how to.

Remilia busies herself with brushing her hair and slipping into a nightgown before going to bed; she's taking nothing but night classes these days so she can afford to do something absolutely crazy and unbecoming like be nocturnal. Seems that before she plans on retiring she's going to catch up on some reading; she plucks a pair of reading glasses from her desk and snuggles into a pillowly armchair, bending her legs up in front of her like an impromptu table.

A precarious playing field. Remilia's mind is generally somewhat weak, but her body is strong, strong, strong; tricking her senses into thinking that they can't hear or feel or smell something simply doesn't work right out of the box. And without any convenient natural background noises you'd have to cause your own distraction, which may just tip her off as much as if you'd try to march in there fully visible and pull her panties off by force.

You hate chess. It is as much an overused metaphor as it is a game you keep losing at.

[ ] Go inside and read over her shoulder. Infiltrate her mind through the words and lower her defenses.
[ ] Wait for someone else to inevitably bug her instead; she's the head resident after all.
[ ] March in there fully visible and pull her panties off by force.
[ ] Sometimes the most unexpected shenanigans are a total lack of shenanigans. Knock on her door and attempt legitimate diplomacy!
[ ] She's boxed in! Jump IN the, win, dow..."

[x] Go inside and read over her shoulder. Infiltrate her mind through the words and lower her defenses.

Hopefully she is reading some super sappy romance novel.

[x] Go inside and read over her shoulder. Infiltrate her mind through the words and lower her defenses.
We can do it!

[X] Go inside and read over her shoulder. Infiltrate her mind through the words and lower her defenses.

I can't tell if that image looks more like Remi's severed head is sitting in the chair, or like Remi is wearing the chair as a costume.

[x] Go inside and read over her shoulder. Infiltrate her mind through the words and lower her defenses.

If you're going to tackle the big-league vampire, you'd best play this one close to the chest. There's no room to try out the secret trick play in a tournament game, despite what those money-launderers in Hollywood want you to think. Nothing is sacred to them except the almighty dollar, and also maybe giving their friends jobs sometimes; you know, you checked. But that's true for like 90% of all people in business since the beginning of time, so no surprises there. Flandre refuses to shut up about this so-called raping of her childhood, but she is a whiner who doesn't yet completely accept the fact that she raped her own childhood and now is trying to recreate it in her own image and then blame other people for raping it instead. Some people can't live in a fantasy land all their life.

You circle back around and return inside the house, floating up to the second floor and stopping outside Remilia's room. Door's closed; a predicament. But upon closer inspection you discover that it's open the tiiiiiniest sliver; good, you won't have to turn the doorknob to get the door open. One less things that can go wrong. It's a delicate procedure, sneaking up on a vampire; they don't like being snuck, not very much, no. One false step and suddenly they are the ones behind you! But if that happens it's really easy to just get behind them again, because the very moment they've won is exactly the moment they've lost. How fortunate that logical contradictions makes so much sense in the real world.

You safely enter the room and return the door to its original position; no sign that she's caught you yet. While Flandre tends to humor you a bit, Remilia is more the kind of girl that tells you to get out as soon as she sees you; you are only welcome in this house if you are invited and knock politely, but why in the world would you want to inconvenience yourself like that? You drift up towards the ceiling and nestle yourself in above the sleepy Remi. As the hour grows later and she gets more fussy about the rising sun, that is when you'll have your advantage. But for now you decide to just sit back and read over her shoulder, perhaps see what's going through her head as she does. What is this exquisite tome she's partaking of, anyways? Perhaps it's one you've read before.

You detect strong subconscious urges from Remilia to graphically murder the author, publisher, and many if not all of the characters in this book.

What an interesting twist; she doesn't appear to be enjoying this novel at all. She reads with a strong passion and there's a lot of swirling impulses inside her head, but pleasure doesn't appear to be in there. With a glance at the spine you think you recall hearing about this book in regards to some sort of media hype. Wasn't this that book series Flandre made a "100 Things I Hate About You" list? Perhaps it might behoove you to take a closer look at the words; such dynamic feelings on a simple book seem to indicate delicious fodder for your future attacks, or even present attacks. Two apples don't fall far from the same tree after all, even if one of them is a bad apple indeed. What Flandre despises in this book, Remilia despises just as much? You can work with this. You can drive the wedge deeper, and deeper, and deeper still. Let the hatred of this book consume her and become her essence, until she is blind from all else but these fictional characters in this fictional world! What a pathetic thing to lose your emotions to! Come now, Remilia. Don't get your panties in a twist~

You lean in closer to get a feel for the story that is being told. Before long you believe you understand that it is a tale of forbidden love betwixt three worlds. The men vie for the affections and well-being of the young damsel, claiming to only want what is best for her. it's astonishingly difficult to pick up on the true subtext behind the characters? intentions, however; the writing style feels very ham-handed to you. You never did like to read; there's nothing to manipulate. Characters are flat and lifeless; they follow a predetermined path and never stray from it. Where is the unknown, the malleability? Why can you not seize the world and follow the path you choose for it? Surely this story here will end predictably and uneventfully, with many a ho-hum and bushels of complaints about unrealism.

"STOP, EATING, MY, YOGURT."


[ ] Get the heck out of Dodge.
[ ] Danmaku is still a thing that exists, right? Civilized people solve their problems with violence, not violence!
[ ] "Nice try, Remilia, but it is actually I who am behind YOU!"
[ ] ??Par, ley?"
[ ] "But, Bemillia, I only want you to live a normal life. We, can't be together? I'm not good for you. You have to, stop seeing me."

[x] "Nice try, Remilia, but it is actually I who am behind YOU!."

I can't find that Busou Renkin screencap.

[x] "Nice try, Remilia, but it is actually I who am behind YOU!?

[x] "But, Bemillia, I only want you to live a normal life. We, can't be together? I'm not good for you. You have to, stop seeing me."

I don't care how it's supposed to sound, I can only imagine this being said in the voice of Christopher Walken.

[x] "But, Bemillia, I only want you to live a normal life. We, can't be together? I'm not good for you. You have to, stop seeing me.."

Said in the voice of Christopher Walken! For extra mindfuck!

[x] "But, Bemillia, I only want you to live a normal life. We, can't be together? I'm not good for you. You have to, stop seeing me.."
Hah. The good, ol' Derp Wars 's back.

[x] "But, Bemillia, I only want you to live a normal life. We, can't be together? I'm not good for you. You have to, stop seeing me."
Die in a blaze of glory!

[x] "Nice try, Remilia, but it is actually I who am behind YOU!?

Vote has been called for "Bemillia" for some time now; I've just been taking it too easy on the writing front, as my late Priceless update shows. I'll get this Derp up tonight and then continue lying to you about trying to update faster. This post not to be deleted upon the next update, because I might actually be saying useful things in this post.

>>45911
There was an "I am behind you!" scene in Busou Renkin? Between whom and whom?

That really is a great show, though. Does everything Bleach tried to do, does it better, and does it in about an eighth of the time. I remember three years ago when I coined that phrase the fraction used to only be a fourth, but it just keeps getting smaller and smaller as Bleach continues to not really go anywhere fast. Way to go, continuously-running series.

>>45914
Well I was parodying the horribly melodramatic dialog present in the Twilight movies, but Christopher Walken would have made those movies a lot better anyways. He could have played, I don't know, VanHelsing or somebody.

>>45916
I try~

Confound it all! You leaned in too close to read and Remilia smelled the yogurt on your breath! She's got you by the neck now and looks none too pleased about this grievous invasion of privacy! You even sense feelings of shame in her, probably from being caught reading such a poorly-constructed novel! A European savant like herself can't be seen reading this Amerikan trash! That's Flandre's job! You actually know for a fact that Flandre feels it is her responsibility to bear an entire family's worth of absurdity on her shoulders so that her sister doesn't have to. She also knows that this is not the way the world works yet keeps believing in her ideology anyways. That girl's a real trooper. It's a shame she's such a firebrand, because you think she might actually be good marriage material. Not for you. You could never keep yourself tied down to one place like that.

But back to the matter at hand. You are slowly finding it more difficult to breathe; this is to be avoided. Remilia may or may not be hissing short and poignant threats at you; you've heard them enough in the past to not bother listening to them anymore. The good life has made her soft and hardly much of a vampire at all; perhaps she was reading such a subpar gothic fiction so as to convince herself that "at least I'm better than them!" You'll have to make sure that such does not become the case; why should Remilia gain any more pride and charisma about herself than she already has? Sometimes people need to be taken down a few pegs.

"Remilia, Remilia sweetheart, listen to me. You can't keep doing this. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You can't keep letting me get so close to you. I know, dear, I know you... you like to take risks, but you've gotta stop. I'm just, I'm not good for you, Remi. You're young and pure, still; I want you to stay that way. Me... I'm, I'm soiled, Remi. I'm sick. I've got a fever. And the only persc??

Your monologue has been rudely interrupted.

STAY OUTTA MALIBU KOISHI!

STAY OUTTA MALIBU, DEADBEAT!

Keep your heartless fuckin' freeloading ass out of my beach sorority.

Remilia stomps back inside and slams the front door, locking the deadbolt hard enough for you to hear it. Well now... You just got thrown through a second story window. This actually doesn't feel very good at all, and you're sort of bleeding now. The loud morning racket has begun to garner the stares of a few residents inside the windows, though you can hear Remilia shouting at them to not let you in. This venture did not go exactly as planned.

Buuuut look who forgot to pay attention to her panties as she was strangling yooou~ If she hadn't thrown you when you had your finger around them you might not have gotten them off in the first place. Oooh, how nice, red silk~


[ ] Stay out here for a while. Maybe you'll garner some sympathy.
[ ] Just go through the secret tunnel again. it's so expected no one will expect it!
[ ] Hop back in that hole you got thrown out of, before Remilia makes it upstairs.
[ ] Stagger away and wait until the novelty dies down, then just pick the lock. It will work because you have 3 FOC.

[x] Stagger away and wait until the novelty dies down, then just pick the lock. It will work because you have 3 FOC.

Right when they forget that Koishi is out there they will lose their panties.

[x] Stagger away and wait until the novelty dies down, then just pick the lock. It will work because you have 3 FOC.

Because yes. We're that good.

[x] Stagger away and wait until the novelty dies down, then just pick the lock. It will work because you have 3 FOC.

[x] Stay out here for a while. Maybe you'll garner some sympathy.

Called for "stagger away", post to be deleted later because it wastes space.

Eco-friendly eco-posts. Biodegrades leaving no residue, so your Econet stays as fresh and green as the Photon background you have no good reason to change.

[ ] Stagger away and wait until the novelty dies down, then just pick the lock. It will work because you have 3 FOC.

This update postponed to bring you an item of equal or lesser value.

>>45964
You can't cut back on updates! You'll regret this!

>>45958
But I use Chernobyl...

Well, every silver lining has a cloud, and this one's seems to be the obvious obviousness of your presence. Nothing quite like getting thrown out of a plate-glass window to make the audience jump in their seats and realize that the magical moving pictures on the screen are still in fact on the screen. Bubblegum looks at you sorrowfully out the front window, but under the watchful eye of Sakuya she is not allowed to offer you any mercy. Apparently you deserved this and were given what for; you're not too sure of that yourself, because you have a very loose grasp on the concepts of justice and fairness. It's a good thing you were underground during that whole "Fate of Sixty Years" business, because the yama would surely have a field day with your laundry list of atrocities. But she can't call you Guilty if you're not~

You slowly pick yourself up and dust yourself off, picking the glass shards out of your skin despite the best medical professionals saying you're not supposed to do that. You don't care what they think; you don't care about what anybody thinks. Deep down inside they just want you to keep getting hurt so the government can give them more grants and such. Still, this is why you secretly think you might hate field work, if hate was a thing that you could do. It's true that there's just no substitute for going out and scrambling people's minds with your own two hands, but sometimes you wonder what'd it'd be like to mix your powers with that Himekaidou girl. Flandre does keep championing The Google, after all.

You're far too conspicuous to be of any use to yourself right now; better wander away and wash this off like a bad hangover. These are college girls with plenty on their minds; give 'em a few hours, let Remilia fall asleep and have Sakuya totally wiped out after fixing the window and you'll be able to waltz right back in like nothing ever happened. Of course the ladies might finally realize their panties are missing, but you're not a god; they'd find out eventually anyways. What's important is that they'll be too embarrassed to tell anyone about it, so it evens out to be the same thing in the end anyways! These silly girls, always so concerned about how people see them. Do they think that if they don't wear panties they'll be seen as loose sluts who initially put up a good show of purity and decency but underneath it all just want to grind the first piece of meat they see? Actually you know that the answer is yes, which doesn't make much sense. This is an all-girls college; guys don't ever come by here to begin with.

Or do they~?

After patching yourself up with a first aid kit you found in some house down the road, you waste a good few hours playing around with the million squirrels on campus. It's the simple things in life you treasure, they say. You don't believe in that philosophy at all (you treasure the unpredictable things), but your sister would like to believe that you do, so you put on a good show for her sake. Sometimes you think you love her as all sisters should, but such madness quickly passes. Today among other things you tried to see how many squirrels you could manipulate to sit on the same tree branch before it broke. Sadly they wouldn't let you after about twenty or so out of instinctual common sense; even your powers have limits, which sucks.

You return later in the afternoon to a much quieter sorority house and a freshly-installed second story window. At this time of day the majority of the residents have class, including Sakuya, so it won't be hard at all to just pick the lock and ease yourself inside, which you subsequently accomplish. Hanging around these immigrants has taught you a thing or two about the usefulness of practical non-magical technology, such as lockpicks. Even the genius Patchouli sometimes forgets to ward against lockpicks! For shame, aspiring valedictorian. For shame.

But ho, an impediment! The object of your desire sits before you as plain as day, and this object is being worn by your loathsome foe, Sparkly Lillith! She sits on the floor with her back to the wall engrossed in some form of literature, her legs raised so as to expose her custom-print panties for the world to see. They appear bluish from here; you'd need a closer look to discern specifics, because you are blind in one eye. She doesn't seem to have noticed your presence yet; in her words you must have rolled a twenty on your Lockpick check. But your attention is quickly diverted to a very conspicuous and meticulously-lettered sign hanging from the ceiling.

The implications therein are somewhat disconcerting.

[ ] The jig is up; cash out your chips.
[ ] No time for subtlety now. Snatch and grab!
[ ] Plan one move ahead. Count down the seconds and then choke her right before she tries to choke you!
[ ] She's bluffing; merely covering all her bases. Manipulate and confound as usual.
[ ] Something's not right. Look around for signs of foul play.

[X] Something's not right. Look around for signs of foul play.

Ackbar.jpg

[x] Something's not right. Look around for signs of foul play.
Watch out!

[ ] Plan one move ahead. Count down the seconds and then choke her right before she tries to choke you!

Strangulation! It's like hugging with your hands!

[x] Something's not right. Look around for signs of foul play.

[x] Plan one move ahead. Count down the seconds and then choke her right before she tries to choke you!

oh yes.

[x] Plan one move ahead. Count down the seconds and then choke her right before she tries to choke you!

Clearly the sign is a trap in case she doesn't notice Kay to make her falter in choking a bitch and stealing panties.

[x] She's bluffing; merely covering all her bases. Manipulate and confound as usual.

Ho

Lee

Shit.

I just caught up to this starting from the beginning of this new Koishi arc. I thought you could not top your Flandre.

I was wrong.

Oh, how I was wrong.

>because you are blind in one eye
Wait, when did that happen?

>>45996

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmrC_Pij5gc

Called for "foul play" because it hit three votes first. I hate breaking ties. However I have awesome respect for >>45996 up there. Way to fight the power, man.

>I just caught up to this starting from the beginning of this new Koishi arc. I thought you could not top your Flandre. I was wrong.
Now that I've walked away from all that cantankerous fourth-wall-breaking rubbish, Derp Wars can finally become what it was truly meant to be: pretty awesome.

>>46000
Thanks for doing that so I didn't have to!

You're not this stupid; if you were Flandre would probably have actually managed to kill you by now. There's far more to this than meets the Eye, because as always, Flandre's subconscious is a chaotic mess and utterly unreadable as far predicting her feelings go. She plays games on a much higher level: your level. Is this sign telling the truth? Is the sign a lie? Does it really mean that she knew you'd come back in through the front door? When you play on a higher level, you know that these questions are pointless ones; you must see beyond the obvious, and beyond the unobvious to the true obviousness at the bottom of it all. There's nothing really special about what Flandre does when it all comes down to it; it just seems that way because of the mental processes she goes through to do it.

Clearly she's setting up a trap beyond just choking you in twenty seconds or less; she of all people should know that the farther her hips are from you today the better. However you can't ignore the possibility that she'll choke you regardless; you must investigate quickly and beat her at her own game. The clock is running.

Seventeen seconds.

You encounter your first piece of evidence in the kitchen, where Flandre is mixing a drink in the blender, completely oblivious of your presence save a conspicuous and meticulously-lettered sign hanging from the ceiling. Oh ho ho; her little multiple-personality trick, is it? Guarding the front and back door at the same time, covering all her bases! Now that's more like it! That's the Flandre you know and love! You quickly conclude you'd find a third Flandre inside the tunnel as well, but there's no need or time to check for that!

Fourteen seconds seconds.

Three Flandres, guarding three entrances. There's plenty of windows for you to enter, but she knows that's not your style, even if you know she knows that and could easily go through the window to spite her! You reject the window on principle, staunchly opposing such an underhanded and overused method of entering without permission when the mark of a truly suave criminal (which you so totally are and have never been humble about) is that she may come and go as she pleases without fear!

Twelve seconds.

Three Flandres, guarding three entrances ? But no, there are always four. She has never been able to truly split herself equally; there is always the queen, commanding the pawns, forever taunting you and reminding you that you hate chess. It is the fourth Flandre who is the real crux of the trap, the one now unaccounted for. She might expect you to figure out the first level of the trap or even count on it. To get out, you must go further in, just like Inception, that wonderful movie you love so very much. Flandre is the dreamer, and you the extractor and architect, all in one.

Eleven seconds.

She has presented you with the obvious already: herself in plain sight. The unobvious is that there are multiples of her in plain sight. A lesser mind would expect the fourth one to be hidden in an unexpected place, but you know how her mind works; she'll flip right back to obvious, and will place the Queen in both the least and most obvious place at the same time: her own bedroom.

Ten seconds.

But here now is the real game, the core of the core. This far into the dream reality becomes fantasy and nothing is certain, not for the dreamer and not even for the extractor. Queens become pawns, and pawns become queens, and the greatest place to hide is in a place that not even you know of. The Flandre in the bedroom may not be the real one. She would suspect that you would suspect her and plan ahead again, trusting in the one thing even you cannot tear out of her: random chance. She would make it so that even she does not know which one is the real one, forcing you to do the one thing she knows your dried up husk of a heart cannot do: take a leap of faith, and guess. She really is a horrible little bitch to you, isn't she? You probably wouldn't even know whether to love her or hate in a strange alternate world where those words meant a damn thing to you. Vampire romance sure is complicated!

Eight seconds.

Wait? You just said that you love Inception! That doesn't make any sense; you, you don't know how! it's not possible! it's a trap! But, if you really do? maybe, maybe? you have enough heart to make a leap of faith after all!


[ ] Don't think! Go with your gut and just pick one!
[ ] Find a way to make a truly random choice with four options! it's the only way to find the truth!
[ ] Start choking yourself! It'll unbalance her and destroy the illusion!
[ ] No, no! You have no heart! You must rip the still-beating truth out of the deepest recesses of her mind; you know it's there!
[ ] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--( ) And then stab her in the back anyways.
--( ) Let her have her fun; it's all about how you play the game, right?
--( ) Kiss her. The ULTIMATE shenanigan!

[x] Find a way to make a truly random choice with four options! it's the only way to find the truth!

That is it! The only true way

[x] Start choking yourself! It'll unbalance her and destroy the illusion!

[x] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--(x) Let her have her fun; it's all about how you play the game, right?
An U turn is too interesting to ignore

[X] Don't think! Go with your gut and just pick one!

The other choices risk taking too much time and getting strangled.

[x] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--(X) Kiss her. The ULTIMATE shenanigan!

With any luck, she will be too distracted to notice her panties being stolen. In the event she is not, however, she is almost certain to be too distracted by the theft of her unmentionables to not be caught off-guard by the sudden smooching.

So, really, it's win-win.

[x] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--(X) Kiss her. The ULTIMATE shenanigan!

inb4 bad end. Let's do this.

[x] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--(x) And then stab her in the back anyways.

Steal her panties while getting strangled!

[ ] No, no! You have no heart! You must rip the still-beating truth out of the deepest recesses of her mind; you know it's there!

[x] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--(X) Kiss her. The ULTIMATE shenanigan!

[x] No? it's? She's trying to help you. it's all about trust. Don't do anything; let her come.
--(X) Kiss her. The ULTIMATE shenanigan!

Called for "Kiss her". Post to be deleted so we can stave off autosage for as long as possible, because that's such an important thing on the lightning-fast /sdm/. Where have all the good days gone...

You do realize that Flandre is going to die now, and it's going to be all your fault.

>>46024
But she wouldn't die even if you killed her.

>>46028
To make sure she's dead after being killed, we should kill her until she's dead from it again.

>>46028
I thought people die when you kill them.

>>46032

People die when you kiss them.

This... This can't be happening! You always catch yourself, always, when you make a slip of the tounge like that! You don't love Inception; you can't, you are physically and mentally unable to! You swore all those years ago you'd put a stop to all that emotional frivolity once and for all! The world is meaningless, hopeless, the men and women in it miserable piles of secrets and cesspits of hatred and lies! You know them, you know their heart of hearts, and all there is is selfishness. Nobody cares, so why should you?! Like your favorite and most-loved role model The Joker, all that's left of you is a crazy girl-shaped husk that just wants to watch the world burn...

No no no you just did it again!

What is going on?! Where did all these feelings come from? They can't be yours, they can't! It's all this panty stealing and lewd connotations; they're confusing you! Getting you to focus on hidden urges and romance! Making you think things you aren't really thinking about! Flandre. This is her doing! She proposed this challenge as part of some grand scheme in order to weaken your defenses and prove another of her inane points! In her failure to convince you that you can still give a care, now she's trying to get you to convince yourself that you can! That no-good stubborn autistic bitch! Who does she think she is, playing with your emotions like this?! Oh God you just hate her so much!

No... No no no no don't do this to yourself Koishi. You're running out of time; you have to focus, or you'll never get that crown back! But it's... it's just so confusing. You can't think straight anymore; Flandre's conspiracy is in your head now. You know she's just trying to help in her own twisted way, but you don't need her help, you don't want her help... do you? You don't even know what level of metagamaing Flandre is playing on anymore. Did you overthink it? Is it really not as complex as you made it out to be? You like to play it off as second-nature, but subconscious manipulation is sketchy business and it's very easy to misread, especially with a conundrum like Flandre. You... You had everything under control... Where did it go so wrong..."

Though these thoughts flash by within instants, the seconds continue to tick down to zero. Your mind and even your heart are in chaos. What should you do? Choose randomly? Try and rip the truth from Flandre by force? Give up and admit she beat you this time? Your indecision frustrates you to no end! It feels like no matter what you do now, you've lost; these options are hardly shenanigans at all! What would the you from yesterday think about your current conduct? She'd probably be entirely apathetic about it and wonder why you're making such a fuss over it! You have suddenly seen the enemy, and she is you!

Your enemy is also her. The witching hour is upon you as the doppelgangers approach from all sides, the puppeteer hidden amongst her puppets. You don't know what you're doing, or why you're not doing, and soon Flandre will be doing all the doing in your stead. You know this was her plan, you know she was going to make you overthink yourself into oblivion, and that's you'd be too oblivious to see the obvious truth, which becomes obvious to you only in the fleeting time between the disappearance of three of the Flandres and the assault of the fourth: A master of the subconscious should herself dwell in the subconscious. See without seeing. Feel without feeling. Do without doing. Act on impulses beyond comprehension or reason. When you strike from you subconscious, you may surprise even yourself?

You have absolutely no idea what you are doing or are planning to do. Truly, the ultimate shenanigan is the one even you don't expect.


OPEN END??

Vote for the next character in the new thread: >>46062

Talk about shenanigans past and present wherever you bloody well please.

That was disturbingly funny, and yet sickeningly sweet at the same time.

Is this all just one giant shipping fanfic disguised as a quest thread?