‘Twas the night before christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring… Except Nazrin the mouse.

“WHY DID YOU USE THE JEWELED-PAGODA AS A TREE-TOPPER?!”

“B-but Toramaru-sama said it was okay!”

“IT IS CERTAINLY NOT OKAY!”

Seals were hung by the chimney with care
So “Saint’s-Crucified-Pose” Rumia would not be there.

“Haaaaaaaam!”

“THAT’S MY THIGH-ZE!”

Children were nestled, all snug in their beds
While by the canal of willows was a dance of heads

“Seki, it’s Christmas, not Halloween. Get down from there so we can go eat!”

“I know! These christmas headlights will attract lots of food!”

“...I knew I should’ve dragged her to Keine’s.”

And Mima in her robe and Marisa in her Cap—

“—It’s a hat! Now give it back!”

“Gyahhh! I’m sorry I tried to bite youuu!”

...had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

“HELL NO! I and NOT getting sealed away again!”

When out by the shrine there arose such clatter
Reimu sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

“It’s late. I’m gonna kill them.”

away to the sliding door, she floated like a flash
Threw it open and with her gehei she slashed

“GYAAAAAAAH!”

“You! What the hell are you doing in my—“

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the coins below

“...what happened to my donation box?”

“...the hole disappears eventually?”

When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But an annoying hermit, her outfit rather queer

“What the hell are you wearing?”

“A-Ah! Good taste! The shopkeeper called it a ‘Santa Outfit’!”

With a bored-looking zombie, so her mind not quick,
Reimu knew it was an attempt of a trick!
More rapid than eagles her accomplices they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, CIRNO! now, WRIGGLE! now, MUSTIA and RUMIA!
On, STAR! on SUNNY! on, YOSHIKA and LUNA!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! While we can still steal all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When faced with an angry miko, that take to the sky

“GET BACK HERE YOU WHELPS!”

So up to the shrine roof the coursers they flew,
With the sack full of coins, and old Seiga too.

“I AM NOT OLD!”

Yes, you are.

“FUCK YOU!”

And then, in a twinkling, she heard on the roof
The scratching and pawing of a cat aloof.
As she swept herhand, and was turning around,
Down the shrine Miko came with a bound.

“Greetings.”

She was dressed in the usual, from his head to his foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot

“The fuck happened to you?”

“It’s a long story.”

When suddenly, the sack of coins she had flung on his back,
And she looked like a dealer, looking into her pack.

“But crown prince! The money!”

Her eyes -- how they sharpened! Looking far from merry!
Then Seiga’s cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!

“Don’t Be absurd.”

Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And her expression was as cold as the snow
The stump of a pipe she put tight in her teeth,
And the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath;
Reimu knew, of course, that her intentions were smelly,
and though if the best way to pound them into jelly.


“Okay, very funny. I’ll even overlook the hole in my donation box if you’ll give me my money.

[i]But the sack was chubby and plump, everything in it for herself,
And she laughed at the Miko, as though she’d shit on a shelf.
A wink of her eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Seiga to know she had nothing to dread;
She spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And ran away with Reimu’s money, the jerk

“THE TAOISTS THANK YOU FOR THIS GENEROUS DONATION!”

And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the shrine they rose

“GET BACK HERE WITH MY MONEY, BITCH!”

They sprang to the roof, to Seiga’s team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.


And Reimu exclaimed, chasing them to the night:

“IT’S CHRISTMAS YOU BITCH, YOU WON’T LEAVE WITHOUT A FIGHT!”

END