KChasm !QC5jQtRXOo 2010/08/05 (Thu) 13:07 No. 121462 ▼ File 128101363894.jpg - (141.58KB, 320x320 , MakeItDeliriantLeakageFromTheExoticUnderstructure.jpg)
X Go quietly. It's an honest transaction, after all.
You're in such a daze that you don't snap out of it till Cottage Chick shoves you from behind, nearly sending you tumbling into an empty wooden cart off the side of the road. You catch yourself before you slam into the side, but only just. "Hey, what the hell--"
"Load it up." The woman snaps an order, cutting your indignation off neatly at the neck. You look at her pointed finger--back at the cart--back at her pointed finger--
Wait.
...Seriously?
"You want..." You gawk, disbelievingly. "You want me to..."
"Load it up, yes." There's a strain of irritation readily apparent in her voice--as if she's a grown-up stuck lecturing a very dull child. You feel your hands twitch at your sides as she continues talking. "Load the cart up with wood and tell me, once you've finished--I assume you know where you'll be taking it afterward?"
"You assume I'll be taking it anywhere at all."
The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them--but in all honesty, you barely care. You've already called this lady a nutjob, after all. There's no point in putting on that mask of geniality if nobody's going to be fooled.
Something like excitement runs up your spine, sears itself into the base of your brain. You smile.
You can hate openly, now.
...but epiphanies aside, Cottage Girl is clearly unimpressed with your one-man revolution. "I don't see why I shouldn't assume that," she retorts. "I purchased your services, so I should at the very least expect the illusion of deference--shouldn't I?"
Still grinning cavalierly, you lean against the end of the cart. "Maybe," you admit. "But my services were never up for purchasing anyway, so the point's moot."
There's a lull.
And a strange expression passes across Cottage Girl's face, and you think--maybe I shouldn't have said that? Maybe I shouldn't have said that--
"Moot?" Her voice is controlled. Toneless. "And what, precisely, do you mean by 'moot'?"
She's speaking in English now. No, you've both been speaking in English. You only just noticed, that's all--
"Are you using that term in the context of economics? Or something more profound, perhaps--liberty? The social contract? What you perceive as your own natural rights?" She's mocking you, now, and now you know--you shouldn't have said that, whatever it was that you said--
"Or do you even understand what I'm speaking of? Appearances may deceive, but I can tell just by looking--you are no learned man."
Now, that's just harsh. "Hey, I went to school long enough," you protest, weakly.
"Well, perhaps you ought to return, then--but never mind. Allow me to educate you, instead." Cottage Girl draws nearer to you--and suddenly the dolls are back again, hovering close to her shoulders like some sort of guard. You'd find the sight funny if it weren't somehow so intimidating.
"Mr. Hake," the woman says, "is your employer. Correct?"
"If by Mr. Hake, you mean that big idiot who's always shouting at everything--then sure." You're no longer smiling, but you can keep up that irreverent attitude of yours, at least. Crazy broad and her crazy dolls (crazy floating moving dolls) don't deserve any less.
"And Mr. Hake has placed you under my care for the time being--isn't that also correct?"
Oh, you get it. "It doesn't matter what Mr. Hake's done," you maintain. The dolls move forwards, closer to you--you do your damnest to ignore them. "I'm the one being handed around like a piece of meat--if anyone should have a say in this, it's me."
"And I suppose," Cottage Girl says, "that you have no wish to cooperate."
One of the dolls brushes against your arm--the other, the one in the darker bow, simply hangs in front of your face, blocking off most of your vision. You could swat that one out of the air right now, if you wanted to. Grab it and dash its little wooden brains out. You can see it now--the neck would be the first part to break, and then you'd toss the head away--splinter the body at the joints--
"Damned straight," you grunt, and Cottage Girl frowns.
"Well, then."
And the dolls pull away--no, are pulled away, like a pair of marionettes--back to Cottage Girl's side.
"If you have no desire to assist me, then there's precious little I can do."
It takes a couple of seconds for the meaning of those words to sink in--and then a grand smirk creeps up the side of your face. Ha! So she's just giving up, then? You figured she was more bark than bite.
"However," Cottage Girl continues, "to pay for services unrendered would be foolish. I suppose I'll have to petition Mr. Hake for proper recompense--don't you think?" The woman folds her arms, looking up at you expectantly, as if to view the awesome and monumental aftereffects of her words.
"Yeah, sure," you say. "Good luck with that."
...This, clearly, is not the correct reaction.
Cottage Girl's eyes narrow dangerously. You've heard that poetic crap about "eyes aflame" plenty of times before, but this is the first time you've actually felt it. Well, felt it from somebody other than your sister, anyway. "Perhaps you are unfamiliar with your employer's usual reception to ill tidings?" she asks, through her teeth.
"A lot of screaming, right?" You roll your eyes. "Don't worry. I don't plan on being anywhere close by when you break the news to that ape." You'll probably still hear him, though. Guy's got vocal chords like an ox.
...Funny thing, your assurance doesn't seem to settle Cottage Girl's nerves any. "And your livelihood?" she hisses.
...What? "Livelihood?"
"Yes. Your livelihood. The means by which you support your existence. Surely you bear some concern--"
"Wait, wait," you interrupt her. "You mean...this? This woodworking thing?"
Cottage Girl shoots you an awfully easy-to-read look.
You snort. "What are you, stupid? This crappy job? Hell, hunt me down after you get me sacked--I'll thank you even." You're not sure if all that you're saying is getting through to this chick, but you barrel on, nonetheless. "Look, do you want me to be honest? I don't care about this job, or Apeman, or even that idiot Yara over there. I don't care about this town, or even Japan--and I certainly don't care about you. This job was just something to do until I figured out a way to get back to California. As soon as something opens up, I'm gone. You get it?"
If anything ever does open up, an ugly thought pipes up, and you choke it down with a devil-may-care smile.
"Besides," you continue, "what the hell were you gonna have me do, anyway, huh? Hike back and forth between here and your cottage every time you needed the shopping done? That's just stupid crazy. Maybe if you actually lived in the village, I might consider taking you up on that assistant job--what do you think of that?"
Cottage Girl does not answer you, not at first. Just stares, fiercely, with that carefully blank face and that look in her eyes like she wants to rip your spine out.
And then:
"I think you're trying my patience," she says, and raises her hand towards you.
Your head explodes.
---
...Okay, maybe not.
It feels that way, though. One millisecond you're standing there, staring at Cottage Girl and her outstretched arm, wondering what the hell she's doing now--
And then something snaps inside your brain.
Tangrams, you remember, as the sky falls away, as the ground fades into static (you pay it no mind).
Tangrams. Stupid thing to distract yourself with now. Six or seven or eight little pieces, wasn't that right? You put them together and got a man, turned sideways, his stomach swollen, his arms held out as if to beg--and then you took him apart and did it again, and he was the same man, but now he had feet--
You never realized he was missing his feet, not before you saw the second silhouette.
It's perspective, man-woman-all whispers at your ear. Young to old, and hare to fowl--fly neither too low, nor too high, and all the space in between is yours. Understand?
You don't understand. Understanding is beyond you. Thinking is beyond you.
Thinking isn't necessary. Also, jump--
You jump. Five silver-spun spiderthreads miss you, but only barely: you can feel the air disturbed as one of them streams past your face, grazing your cheek. You follow the threads to their source, see them tied behind Cottage Girl's fingertips--
They're not dolls at all, comes the thought--or is it whisper? They're not dolls, in any case--they're--
You land.
Your legs are stiff when they hit the ground, and the shock travels up your knees, all the way up to your head, and maybe that shock knocks together whatever it was that fell apart in your skull because suddenly the last second and a half catches up to you with all the force of a bullet train and you think, what the hell was that?
Cottage Girl frowns.
"I missed."
"...Yeah," you say, because you don't know what else to say to that.
There is something in Cottage Girl's expression, something like surprise, and annoyance--but also grudging respect. "Not only that," she says. "I missed completely--out of the five strings I sent to catch you, not one of them hit its mark. Tell me, are you truly a normal human?"
Funny thing--up until about five seconds ago, you would've answered that with a clear-cut "yes". As it is, you're forced to suffice with a shrug.
"Ah. Well, no matter." And again, Cottage Girl raises her hand towards you. "I missed, once--but I will not miss a second time. Prepare yourself!"
The back of your neck breaks out in cold sweat. You tense your leg muscles--
---
...As it turns out, she was right.
"I'm not hiking back and forth every time you need the shopping done," you grumble, miserably. Cottage Girl's wasted no time in putting you to work--and so here you are, hours later, surrounded by trees, tugging a heavy cartload of wood along an old dirt path. Lovely!
You need to throttle somebody.
To be fair, you're not actually pulling all of the weight here. In fact, you're not even pulling half the weight, not since Cottage Girl wised up to the fragility of the human body and decided to lend you a hand. That girl's stronger than she looks. Nicer, too, if you ignore the fact that she's literally been manipulating you like a full-sized marionette since you left the village.
...You're not that generous.
"Seriously," you insist. "You send me out here, you're never gonna see me again. Guaranteed."
"Oh? You managed to make it through last time."
"I managed to get to the shrine last time, not the village. And then some crazy witch-woman tried to strangle me and I barely got out alive. I'm not exactly eager to repeat the experience--"
You stop. Or rather, Cottage Girl stops you. It's bizarre, having someone else controlling your limbs. Everything's out of your hands--you definitely don't like it.
Cottage Girl's voice has a hint of curiosity in it. "Witch?" she asks.
You'd nod, if you could. "Yeah, sure, witch. Six foot tall, blue robe, called herself Mima. You know her?"
...Oh, wow, you know that look.
"Yes," Cottage Girl answers, very carefully, very evenly. "I know her."
And if you're hoping for exposition, you're right out of luck: those two little floating puppets of hers go spinning 'round your head again, and onwards you go.
"...Well, anyway, I'm seriously not joking here." You return to more important subjects. "You try to send me into the woods, I go on strike. Immediately. You understand?"
Cottage Girl is unfazed. "You act as if you've made any headway," she points out. "All of your efforts so far have been fruitless--somehow, I doubt you'll break new ground any time soon."
Damned forest skank. "Well in that case, you'd better keep me strung up twenty-four seven, because the moment you set me loose I'm gonna slit your--"
"We're here."
"...What?"
You turn your attention down the road. Indeed, just around the next curve is an outline of a small house that looks like something ripped out of a Dutch storybook. A familiar-looking house--and why not? You've been here before, after all, though it's not like you went out of your way last time to savor the atmosphere.
"Oh," you mutter. "Huh. What do you know."
...At least you won't have to carry this damn cart much further.
"Take the wood to the workshop. You should be able to manage that on your own, shouldn't you?" You nearly fall over as the strings at your limbs recede and feeling flows back into your limbs. "I expect to be woken by seven-thirty, with a full breakfast prepared in advance; high tea should be served at five, alongside the evening meal. Lunch is unnecessary. In the event of emergency, I am to be alerted immediately unless I am in the workshop, in which case I am not to be disturbed under any circumstances whatsoever. Do you understand?"
You make a break for it, and get about fifty feet before five needlemarks stop you in your tracks.
"A valiant attempt," Cottage Girl says.
You swear.
"Now, come. You will need to familiarize yourself with the larder before evening."
...Rotten forest cow.
---
"What is this?" Cottage Girl asks.
Suppertime, and the plate in front of her is steaming softy. It took you a bit of looking around in the basement, but eventually you found something you were certain you could make--and with the energy that can only come from a man who wishes to forget his surroundings, you threw yourself feet first into the task.
"It's your high tea meal," you answer, grinning the kitchen doorway--and it's not a bad meal, if you do say so yourself.
"It's bread."
You nod. "Yeah sure, it's bread. What, you don't like bread, or something?" She should like bread. You don't see why she'd keep it in her basement if she didn't like it.
Cottage Girl's eyebrows tighten. "I am saying," she clarifies, "that it is just bread."
...Ah.
...Well.
"It's buttered."
"Whether you have spread butter or marmalade is of little concern!" Cottage Girl pushes back her chair and stands, amping up her glare. "What foolery is this? Do you truly expect any man could rest soundly with such a pittance of a meal in his stomach?"
Yeah, you were hoping maybe she wouldn't notice. "Funny story, actually," you mutter.
"Oh? Pray tell."
"I can't cook."
There is a moment of silence, during which you continue to stand awkwardly in the doorframe, Cottage Girl continues to glower in your general direction, and the butter continues to melt.
"...And you did not consider this pertinent information?"
"I did, actually. But then I figured, you know, it's not like I'm getting paid." And thus you come to the crux of the situation here: Cottage Girl, for whatever mysterious, ulterior motive, has decided to drag you along as her sparkling new manservant, and you're most certainly not down with that.
This, of course, means war.
And to tell the truth, you're feeling pretty confident here. Sure, Cottage Girl's got the string thing, but there's no way she can keep that up forever, not before you drive her off the deep end. It's civil disobedience in spades. You heard about that whole jazz in school--great men along the annuals of history have achieved great things just by being overly passive-aggressive.
And if that doesn't work, you've still got the buttering knife.
"And where is the tea? A high tea meal, yet it consists of buttered bread and no tea--"
You grin and shrug and grin some more. "I don't know how to make tea, either," you say, and pull out the chair opposite your host to take a seat of your own. "Are you gonna eat that? 'Cause if we're talking about food here, I haven't had much myself."
Cottage Girl shoots you a look that could kill a moose at thirty paces. You take this as a yes.
_ So, who are you, exactly?
_ So, what's with the whole puppetmaster deal, exactly?
_ So, how the hell do I get out of here, exactly?
_ Screw this question and answer crap. The time to strike is now!
_ Other (Specify...)
Alice might not get through all of your questions if you just tack the whole list down here.
...Then again, maybe she will. Who's to say?
Nothing wrong with voting for more than one choice, but you'd better put the question you're most interested in first, just in case.