[x] A student, learning as they go.

You wake up with a start. It's the last stop, so you quickly make for the exit. It's going to take time to get back to where you need to go, but it doesn't matter in the least. Today, it is Friday and you are a winner.
To recap the last week - after a grueling battle against brutal foes such as Physics, Trig and Language, you have emerged victorious. There are very few things that can take this triumph away from you and none of them are facing you right this second. As such, you calmly wait for a train back and allow yourself to simply relax and empty your head, fade out a little. These moments when you can see world around you move and not have to interact with it are very precious. You love this world, but sometimes standing in the middle of a hurricane is simply not a good idea.

You still blame the Trig. Do not bring the Trig near me. You'd like to say there would be consequences, but the best you can do is draw on your textbook (and you still kind of need it). While on a train back, you explore the subject further. To your great delight, you manage to remember the Wikipedia Scottish Language affair. You don't have THAT kind of power level (or such a lust for revenge), so that still sucks, but it's refreshing to know that in a pinch, fighting back against even inanimate concepts like education is possible, even though you really shouldn't. You file the topic under "continue tangent later" and move on. There's more when that came from, but now's not the time nor place for this. Forgive and forget. You pass the turnstile gate and exit to the streets above.

After taking a breath of fresh air, you admire the scenery. It's late autumn, the moon is in full view and the streets are the same as ever. Big highways, park nearby, beautiful foliage and you walk right past all of this because no interest been here lost of times nothing stops victory march. One mental check for the groceries later and one mental press of the big ol' "skip" button in the imaginary upper right corner of the screen and you finally make the blunder of arriving at your apartment.

You live alone. Reality quickly hands you a check and leaves as fast as it comes. Yes, no parents around to regulate and watch your every move (just like in your japanese a- you quickly suppress the thought before it finishes out of disgust). No, do the chores yourself or face FULL WRATH of things such as full kitchen sink, dirty laundry, not getting to eat anything past instant ramen and energy bars (complete with getting hospitalized once because of stomach problems), overdue payments and last but not least all kinds of landlord problems. Thank god you did most of the work yesterday in anticipation of today. "Most", however, doesn't equal "all".

You face the final boss. What are you?

[-] Ahhh! After five calendar days I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!
[-] Do your work precisely, diligently and mechanically. Good fundamentals are key to success.
[-] Beating BBD on HHM is fine, but defeating your homework and cleaning your room is far more powerful.

[X] Ahhh! After five calendar days I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!

For a short period of time, you consider yourself. You tell yourself you're lazy, that it's not a good outlook to keep putting things off until the last moment (you have some experience with this). If you start celebrating today and wake up at Monday morning again, it will only bring you pain. If Friday is a day of celebration, Monday is a day of grief (even if it's not supposed to be this way), and your grief WILL be complete. At the end of the day though, you quietly admit it. After all the stuff you went through this week, this festival has to be today. Your face tightens up in a warrior's expression - you let out a suitable battle cry and get to work.

One meal later, you deposit self (1) on chair (1). One (1) brief consideration about how exactly to accomplish your world conquest, you settle for the usual. 3S opens up and you're immersed in imaginary simulated combat. Only now, with no small amount of bliss, you are at home.

Under ordinary circumstances, computer games can be counted as simple simulations. Some function as substitutes for theater, letting a player take control of an actor's role, play out the script and experience the story that developers make. Some of them are designed as means to puzzle the mind, to obfuscate the solution to a certain problem and present the means to find it. To present a possibility to do a play-research of sorts, make happy memories. To basically do a chess game, but without chess. And some function as battlegrounds, for players to test their skill against either the computer - or, as some realized that the most effective opponent isn't computer at all, another human. Each simulation has rules, which can't readily be broken, which force the players to meet their foe fair and square, but most importantly head-on. And so your tangent finds that in a fighting game in particular, with enough practice and at sufficient skill level, no single part of you is sufficient for beating the tide. ALL parts of you have to be used and utilized properly in order to achieve if not a victory, then at LEAST a good result.

Your instinct, or body partially handles the reactions, reflexes and split second decisions. It cannot make a meaningful offensive on it's own, but it is required to go fast enough to do well on the axis of time.
Your mind is used to remember your pool of possible actions to take, to regulate the timings, to direct the instinct, to decide which part of the combat to concentrate on and to plan your next move. Your mind is what you have the most control over and as such one of the most important parts of the equation.
Your heart is an engine of prediction. People aren't always rational - no, people are by their circumstances are almost always irrational. Your heart can be used to sympathize with and understand their irrationality - and counter their strike before it is made. Without a heart, games are merely arrays of possibilities. With a heart, they become conversations.

During the fight in most fighting games you've encountered, your body is united in it's struggle. The concentration and clarity of mind it brings fill you with a certain kind of vigor. A sense of long-lost unity. Once upon a time, you hoped to share this joy with others, but after finding your class mates to enjoy their vices more, you did the only thing you could and stepped back. And other people are....
You recall the last time you joined a local tournament. Or rather, you make the mistake of trying to recall it. The stench of sweat coupled with local slang, money matches and various disputes made you quietly retreat. It's fine, you don't blame them, you tell yourself. Just the queue's fine. Nothing to worry about.

So anyway, to sum it all up, you play like a six hundred in a twelve-hundred rated tournament for a while to cool down. It's good practice and you even manage to score a win after tying a match. After a persistent self-reminder not to overdo it (the legends of a nerd whose constant 6+ hour long computer sessions turned him into a vampire who instantly disintegrated the second he stepped foot outside the house still haunt you), you clock out after two hours. After a brief call to your parents and doing everything else there is to do, you finally end the day.

One question floats around your mind as you fade. What are you? You dismiss it and enter temporary oblivion a state of sleep graciously provides.

[-] You are now sleeping...

With a quiet sense of eeriness, you awaken. Under your feet is a patch of grass. You are standing before a Torii gate. Ahead of you is a heathen shrine many so adore. The Hakurei Temple floats on an island inside a purple haze. Your senses are with you, but none of the dreamlike feeling of weirdness is present. When you were Lucid dreaming, spaces seemed relative, malleable. Here, instead of illusion, there is truth. And instead of time, there is eternity.
...That wasn't an experiment you wanted to recall.

Your parents told you to never trust your dreams. They also told you to not sit in front of computer so long. If you listened to your parents more, this probably would not have happened.

"Filial piety is a strong virtue, but it rarely turns aside the tides of fate."

You turn around. Your thoughts are frozen. The only possible escape from a mind reader is to freeze your own mind and allow no thoughts to enter. A form of discipline you supplement with conversation. Glowing eyes appear in purple haze that surround her.

"Who are you? Why am I here?" Your heart calms a bit with each question, a sense of unity returning. You do not feel at home at all, yet under stress it doesn't matter. Because in front of you is a Kitsune wearing a fox mask and carrying a paper fan.

"How rude. A proper guest should introduce themselves first."

...you oblige. There is no point in hiding away your name in this circumstance.

"In turn, my name, is Lafcadio. You see, I am a witch by trade."

You remain silent, urging her to keep going. There isn't anything to fear.

"You are here to satisfy my curiosity, human. You see, I have become quite interested with you. There are many, let's say, dull people that exist in this world. Content with eating, living, procreating, feeling and dying. Like so much biomass, like waste. But occasionally, there are gems that shine through the cracks."

"And like a decent merchant, I make those gems mine. You will be mine before you know it. But, you will show your worth first. And you will be allowed to fight back."

She points a fan towards your direction. Your heart wavers, but is supported by your mind. There is no need for fear. Because...

"For a period of fourteen days, you will face a chain of trials. Every three days you will receive a Boon - and every day will spell Tragedy, unless you manage to predict and avert it. Should you perish before the end, you will be mine, human. And should you last through fourteen days..."

"I will satisfy your wish completely, any one you have."

[-] Write-in: Ask your questions, should you have any.

[X] - Question 1: What is meant by “You’ll be mine?” I mean, it’s flattering that you want me. But you’re honestly not my type.
[X] - Question 2: Do I get to choose what kind of “Boons” I get when the time comes to receive them?
[X] - Question 3: You do realize that I have a final exam in 2 weeks that I have GOT to get an A on, right?
[X] - What do I get for completing all trials? At least let me keep all these "Boons" indefinitely after the trials to keep things fair.
[X] - Even if I wish for you to be mine?
[X] - Can we rollback if we get bad end?

Your heart does not waver this time. You need information, so you start to ask questions.

"What is meant by “You’ll be mine?” I mean, it’s flattering that you want me. But you’re honestly not my type."

A condescending smirk appears on her face. She doesn't use the fan this time.

"You. My slave. Forever."

Right. Disregard and move on.

"Do I get to choose what kind of “Boons” I get when the time comes to receive them?"

"I will decide the first Boon you get. The rest, let's say that you'll be able to choose. Otherwise, it's not much of a fight."

You file the topic under "things to consider later". There are many things to ask, so you cannot hold the topic for long. By the way...

"You do realize that I have a final exam in 2 weeks that I have GOT to get an A on, right?"

"Oh, worry not. If you don't get an A on my subject, you won't need to worry about that anymore."

She smiles like a predator.

"You won't need to worry about anything."

...

"...What do I get for completing all trials? At least let me keep all these "Boons" indefinitely after the trials to keep things fair."

"As I said, I will satisfy your wish completely should you last through fourteen days. As for averting every Tragedy, there is no prize. For one very simple reason."

This time she doesn't smile like a predator. She's making fun of you.

"You won't be able to."

...

...you shouldn't ask this. You know full well what Kitsune are and what they do. However...

"You'll really satisfy any wish? Even if I wish for you to be mine?"

Her expression turns... sad? For half a second. Then it quickly switches to amused, as if a lever was switched inside of her.

"Yes."

...there are no further questions.

[Dear reader. As mentioned, there will be 14 days inside the main quest. Once every three days, you will receive something to help you win, which is called a Boon. And every day, you will face an obstacle that will bar your way to victory, which is called a Tragedy. If you manage to succeed in lasting throughout all 14 days, you will be victorious - and you will get a happy ending. But should you fail to remain alive all the way to the end, this quest will end prematurely. It will be considered complete and you will not be able to redo, reload your save file or see what could have happened. Do not worry - it will not be overly difficult, but nor will it be totally easy. While I hope that all of you will vote for the sake of completing the quest, sometimes solutions will be difficult to spot. I hope you will be able to find the truth.

This is a challenge, from me to you. Ahead is a gift - an example solution of a Tragedy. You may think of it as a format to consider for your future fights. Please enjoy it. And make use of it.]

"So? Have you come to a decision? I grow... bored."

...you are running out of time. There's only one thing to do in this situation.

Eternity compresses into a single moment, in which you act. No one is able to read your mind in a single blink of an eye and make a good judgment. Lack of time gives an infinity to consider your circumstances. A seemingly unexplainable paradox.

What do you know about this situation that you find yourself in? You comb through the information, unsorted, willing to find the truth.

Lacfaido. Lacfaido Hearn. Life of a real person, famous for his works. Yukari Yakumo. A youkai of boundaries. Sage of Gensokyo, self-proclaimed. Spiriting Away. Kitsune. Evil spirits, who seduce men and lead them into a sin of lust. Yakumo Yukari never relying on such an ability, instead being famed for her intellect. Maribel Hearn. Ability to see boundaries. Sealing Club with Usami Renko. Existence of a fictional woman incompatible with the truth of this world. Creative fiction turned true? Impossible, meaning music CD and print works confer only parts of truth, in other words they lie. Futuristic and imaginary society, in other words lie. Dateless Bar "Old Adam" (Even here). Lies as part of creative process. Ability to see boundaries, self-proclaimed. Gensokyo, translated as Land of Illusions. Populated by various evil spirits. Some professing miracles, which cannot be made by them. "Youkai Expansion Project", 500 years ago. The name of Yukari Yakumo. Lafcadio Hearn lived only about 200 years ago.

...Undocumented, ability to manipulate one's own dreams. Induction of delusion. Essence of Fantasia. Luke 6:35.

An image of a knife. You cannot cut the tumor without pain. You cannot cut the tumor without. Separation.

Your heart wavers, but is supported by your mind. There is no need for fear. Because there is no nameless fate, nor luck, nor chance. There is Divine Providence. If you are here, then you are here for a purpose. A reason. And you must only fear two things. She's not one of them.

"Will you ask for boundless riches? Unimaginable intellect? Immortality? Ability to take any woman on earth? A body that does not age? Endless supply of any food you want? Your own mansion, with all the servants you would ever wish, doing your every bidding?"

"Declare your wish!"

Who are you?

[ ] I want to be rich beyond compare.
[ ] My grasp on knowledge will soar beyond the stars.
[ ] I will be immortal.
[ ] All women must desire me.
[ ] Endless supply of very tasty food.
[ ] My own mansion with all the helpers I need.

...

.....

[ ] I want to be rich beyond compare.
[ ] My grasp on knowledge will soar beyond the stars.
[ ] I will be immortal.
[ ] All women must desire me.
[ ] Endless supply of very tasty food.
[ ] My own mansion with all the helpers I need.

[x] I want Maribel Hearn to wake up from her nightmare of Gensokyo.

Human reasoning has a nasty tendency to make mistakes. Silently, you pray the best you can you made the right choice. Please, God. A mistake here is deadly. For both of you.

Stillness fills the air. Her eye pupils shrink. She draws back and all glamour disappears from her person. Animal features such as her tails and ears disappear. You see a woman similar to a depiction of Maribel Hearn from the album covers, but much, much older. Good medicine tastes bad in almost every case.

"She died by train, didn't she?"

The purple haze turns red. She is not moving, frozen. The giant eyes remain.

"Tell me."

The red haze that surrounds the air around you disappears. Events of her life play back in the space where it was, as if on a projector in the air. You see it clearly. Pictures move quickly, much faster than a presentation, much slower than a film. Film reel.

Two student girls. Kyoto Institute. Brown-haired and Blonde-haired. Medium club. Research of various folklore events. Occasional supernatural experiences. Scientific fantasies. Looking forward to another meeting between them. When an understanding between two people is created, a world forms around them. A fictional, made-up world the two of them make for the sake of a time between them. Precursor to computer role-playing games, you note to yourself. Attempt of utopia on earth.

Train station. Meeting near the train approach. Unknown passerby, shoving the blonde into the other girl. An immensely loud horn. Tragedy. Only one girl survives. Eyes of all passerby people on her.

Policemen taking the blonde girl away. Questioning. Not remembered nor recorded. Aside from cold tone and accusing eyes.

Eyes of her relatives. Eyes of her friend's relatives. Rejected and denied by everyone around her, without any single exception. Unworthy of life. Criminal. Guilty.

"I will never forget."

A picture of Maribel Hearn and an empty box of medicine on the floor. Coma. Another image, a clinic. A patient's body connected to a life support mechanism. The image fades, replaced by purple haze. The eyes remain.

Her expression is indescribable.

"I will never forget those eyes, human."

A recreation of a world. A world full of suffering, but also love and hope. Of her and Renko flying in the sky. It's not them anymore. No matter how much she wants it.

"And I will never surrender Gensokyo. I will never destroy this world we both share!"

...it's a delusion. She is still alive, otherwise she would not exist. She must wake up. While she is still alive, she still has hope. Before she dies, she must let go. Forgive herself and be forgiven.

[ ] Write-in. You must convince her. She cannot die like this.

[x] Text.

You have to do this.

"Gensokyo's not the only world you two shared. You may have fantasized and dreamed together in that world, but you lived together in this one. Gensokyo wasn't special to her because it was Gensokyo, it was special to her because she shared it with you. With Maribel Hearn, not Yukari Yakumo."

The purple haze disappears once again. On it, events of various incidents appear on a film reel. The Scarlet Mist incident. Many moving pictures. Maribel's expression is pained, angered.

"And she would hate to see you like this, hiding away in your shared dream. What would she have done, if you were troubled or hurt when you met together? Would she have rushed you into Gensokyo into fantasy, or would she have put Gensokyo on hold, and taken the time to help Maribel, to help her friend?"

The background changes to events that occurred at winter. Spring Snow incident. Attempt to make a never-ending winter. A certain shrine maiden's history. A struggled fight. Eternal Night incident. Urban Legend Incident.

"Renko would want you to live. She'd want you to live even if it was your fault, and the very first thing she'd tell you is that it wasn't. The very first thing she would do is hold you, and comfort you until your tears dried. Renko would tell you not to live in the dream, but to make your dream a reality!"

The background changes to various slice-of-life moments. At the shrine, angered Reimu chases Yukari down with a gohei. Tea ceremony. A giant festival. Reimu and Marisa sitting down, bantering. Pranks. Elegant spellcard fights. Silent, bittersweet moments at Kourindou.

"And if I might offer another suggestion, one on what to live for? Share your dream. Paint it as fantasy, whether-"

"Enough."

Maribel looks furious with you. You still have to convince her. Images of various apparitions show in the background in quick succession. They clash, enjoying their fights. The eyes around her grow in number.

"When Maribel dies, Gensokyo dies with you."

"ENOUGH!"

Her face is a mask of wrath. You can't get through to her.

"HUMAN! I've already I told you, but it bears repeating! I am a witch! And your life is in my power, completely! You live and die by my hands! And for this show of disrespect, you'll pay with your life!"

"As for your method of execution, why don't we use that red text you love so much?"

"You will face my trials for fourteen days! You will be challenged every day - and you will have help every three days! And if you die before the end, you will be mine forever!

"And you will die at the end of the fourteenth day, no matter what you do!"

…

"How is that, mortal? You've laughed at me long enough! You've made fun of me - of Gensokyo long enough! Now just give up, despair and die of hopelessness before my test kills you!!!!!"

…..You have to say this. There is no other way.

"I've listened to you. Can I say something now?"

There isn't any other card to play. Maribel makes a mad grin and comes forward, but-

"No matter what you say, you are going to die! Are you going to beg for mercy? Will you bow down and lick my feet like a good dog? Who knows, I might make you into some sort of lowly apparition! Submit, mortal, BE MINE!"

-you slowly walk forward and meet her approach head-on.

"...I will fight and die for you, just as you want it. Once you wake up, come to faith and repent. Christ can help you."

She used Lafcaido's name twice now. Before he fell to heresy and false teachings of self-annihilation, he had a hope to live forever. You don't dare to assume anything about his fate. But if she lives forever after this, it's fine. Even if you cannot count on it.

You cannot do anything but die for her now. That will have to be enough.

"HHHUMAAAAANNNNNN!!!"

She is furious, raging. Anyone would usually refute with anger, disbelief or hatred in this situation. There are tears in her eyes. You allow yourself to smile and lock eyes with her.

"But, you must say the final part in red yourself. No one else can say it for you."

She comes close to you. You are standing face to face. You are still staring in her eyes. She hesitates. She never stopped reading your mind in this place, you realize, except for a single moment.

Necrofantasia. She can't delude herself with this. You recall your lifetime as a video game addict. If this filthy, rotten, wasteful life can save a single girl, your life had purpose. It had meaning. But it can't save her, only wake her up. You'll take the consolation prize.

"I. I...."

For a quarter of a second, her expression can be described as grief. It is replaced by resolve immediately afterwards.

"And if you last through all fourteen days, I will wake up from my dream!"

She hands you a pocket watch. You take it on instinct. The colors blur and the dream vanishes. Only a fragment remains.

[ ] ...

A film reel. Two girls talk together in a café.

"The elixir of immortality?
Of course I'd take it.
You know why immortality is portrayed as a terrible thing to have to bear in stories and such? Those were all meant to serve as cautionary tales against greed and to celebrate rebellion against figures of authority. But on the flip side, the fact that those stories even exist serves as evidence in support of the idea that that the elixir of immortality is a real thing.
Immortality doesn't imply the absence of death. Rather, it just implies a state of existence in which the boundary between life and death disappears, and you exist as neither alive nor dead.
It'd be like a bona fide Necrofantasia—a practical realization of being in a world somewhere in between the world of the living and the Netherworld at the same time."

The small piece of a dream vanishes as you start to wake up. You no longer have any room for error.

Slowly, you wake up. Eternity is replaced by time and truth is replaced by passions. You're back to your gremlin self again. And you remember every single detail of that dream.

...alright, mental recap.

1) Yukari's real.
2) She almost did her thing on you.
3) You stopped caring halfway through and jumped like 20 hundred sharks to do a game theory.
4) For some reason, it turned out true. (What?)
5) Yukari's not real, Maribel's real.
6) Survival mode for two weeks.
7) You stop existing in two weeks because someone played too many dubious quality VN's.
8) Not content with leaving it at that, you declared war on Gensokyo. You're probably gonna have to win it.

...you disregard the second to last point. People can't think about going into the long box for too long. More than that, you just really do not want to die. Your mind yearns to do the "we CtC now WOOO", but reality is just too depressing at the moment. Feels like you're in a Noir flick, a detective on the rock bottom. Without rent money and only one case to save him from hitting the streets.

Right, let's get up from bed. Your room looks like a mess because you didn't clean yesterday. You did no chores at all yesterday, so half your stuff's strewn about, kitchen sink is full and there's mostly no food. At least there's a coffin nearby. Wait, a coffin?

You walk up to it. There's a wooden coffin in your room. It's open. There is a girl inside. Panic mounts. Blue maid dress, maid headband, stockings, apron. Ribbon tie. Unconscious, she doesn't look dead. She looks just like a doll. You briefly remember what CtC last word remix was. There goes your morning prayer routine.

First thought: serves vampires, makes outsiders into pretzels, PANIC, GET ME OUTTA HERE NOW, THANKS YU- MERRY
Second thought: Peter 1st 4:9.
…

...you're going with Peter 1st for this one. If you die, so be it. If you don't have help from above, you don't succeed in any case. As such, you get to work, fast and quiet. Change your bedding, clean up strewn clothes. Tidy up desk. Silently, you marvel at how fast you went from "survive at any cost, just for you" to playing the odds. But then you remember that there aren't any odds to play. Mild comfort.

Right, so, you can't actually let her sleep in a coffin. This might be the last mistake you ever make. Well, God willing. You lift her up in a princess carry out of the coffin. She stirs a bit (!), but doesn't wake. You deposit her into bed and cover her with a blanket. Right, up next is food. How do you do this. Mental panic. HOW DO YOU COOK FOOD YOU FORGOT HOW TO COOK FOOD AAAAAA-

In the end, you deal with this multiple choice decision by using one of your secret weapons: Instant Oatmeal with berries. To put on a kettle with a whistle in this situation would be a serious mistake, so you just settle with waiting in the kitchen. You consider other options while waiting, but don't really decide on anything else. Other than a glass of milk, really. You could make tea, but after remembering that illegal fantasy aliens from a Vampire mansion could get extremely picky about it, that idea is quickly abandoned. Meh. You work on the kitchen sink to pass the time, knowing that your guest might wake at any moment. Nerves.

...well, it's ready. Oatmeal and milk, coming right up. Room entered, princess is still sleeping, phew. Put tablecloth on mini table, deposit food. Make a sign of the cross on her just in case. It doesn't seem to do anything. So you sit on a couch and wait in silence as time passes.

Five minutes. Ten minutes. Food grows cold. This could be your death. Merry said that if you die, you end up as her slave. None of it up to you. Mental discipline, you remind yourself. Not thinking is much, much harder than thinking. Realization that you don't control whether you live or die passes. No thoughts.

Twenty minutes. Sun moves outside the room behind the curtains, casting a different shadow. Time passes. You pray. Thirty minutes. You replay countless possibilities. Where she says "Where's Remilia?" and kills you once she hears what she doesn't want to hear. Where she holds you up at knife point for information like in that one reverse isekai anime (then again, that one used a sword and a villain appeared not long after that, someone broke a window and everyone started blasting, nullifying the problem). Where she figures out you're out to kill her home she loves. Where she contacts Patchouli somehow and then some horribleness happens straight out of Z- You stop here before you recall more than you should. Mental discipline, you remind yourself. No more of that right now.
Not thinking is much harder than thinking. If you die, so be it. That doesn't matter.

Forty minutes. She stirs. Wakes. Sits up. Speaks.

"Who are you?" Right.

[ ] Truth and nothing but the Truth
[ ] Banter is the Universal Language
[ ] The Bible Citation Device
[ ] Just honestly care about her even if it kills you. Don't let her feel alone.
[ ] Write-in.

[x] Just honestly care about her even if it kills you. Don't let her feel alone.

You introduce yourself. "I am a simple student living here. You must have had a strange journey, to arrive here like this. For the time being, make yourself at home. And if there is anything at all that I can help you with, simply ask." Use a smile. Come on, no pressure.

"Like this?" It doesn't look like she understands, so you motion towards the coffin.

"You were sleeping in this coffin. I moved you to bed. How are you feeling? Are you at all injured?"

It's hard to feign confidence like this. It takes every fiber of your being not to bend like a tea leaf in someone else's kettle. She speaks with an authoritative tone.

"No, I'm fine. Have you seen anyone named Remilia? Short, blue hair? You can't miss her."

…

You're not a sociable person, so you put on a mask. Your internals say NOT to do the plane landing sequence manually if you can help it. It can be done on auto, without looking the other person in the eye, or remembering that you are talking to a girl. Stumbling, flubbing, stammering, not knowing what to say. Showing fear of death to a predator. What you hate the most is, your autopilot cannot do what you need to do this very moment - calm her down, be with her.

"I haven't met anyone by that name. I'm sorry. Are they related to you? We can look for them together if you wish."

Her expression changes. Scorn? Concern? Worry?

"What are your motives? A coffin appears in your room and you do this? Why would you help me? This is suspicious."

Makeshift interrogation. Room that looks like it's from 1950's. Cold food in front of her. Distrust.

If you WERE a regular japanese high-school student, you would beg for a chance to calm her, be affectionate, boil your blood to CPU temperatures to convince her to let you help. But the truth of the matter is, in regards to other people, your heart is hardened like hardened bread. You cannot truly empathize with someone on the topic of caring about another person. And if you try to act detached while putting on an image of a carebear, she could confuse it with condescendence. You cannot risk it.

...you aren't Touma. You are Haruspex at best, and that's on a good day. And if she does the Bachelor routine, you might as well pre-empt it.

"Listen. I do not know your circumstances, but you seem agitated. Concentrate. Calm yourself and focus, then continue. I'm not your enemy."

Anger flashes. "Why should I? Did you do anything indecent to me?"

"No, I do not have that kind of attraction towards you." No time either. You do not say that bit out loud.

"Then what's your game?"

Cold, calculating maid of Scarlet Devil Mansion wants a cold and calculated answer. The problem with that part is, that doesn't help her. Sure, you could pull out the Old Book and quote the passage where it says to be hospitable. Then she can treat you as a walking gear from a clock tower which does it's routine (and not actually a person). Telling her the whole truth is the other end of the spectrum - chances are she just Super Shanks you and it's just game over. And if you start up with the banter now, she could just take it as pre-fight dialogue. NONE of this helps her.

And so, in absence of all other options, you take your mask of decency, respectability and contentedness and slam dunk it in the trash where it belongs. You very, absolutely hate this.

"I am a lonely person that doesn't get very many visitors. If you don't mind entertaining me with conversation every now and then, you can live here for a while. Free food and board. I could even help you out with your search. But, what I really want is for you not to... shut yourself in. Tell me what bothers you, or ails you. I will lend an ear, if nothing else."

She considers you like a woman detective in her 30's from a TV series. Or a cozy detective novel. Realization: you just made a fool of yourself one more time. Whatever. "So you just want companionship? Go to a church like you're supposed to." So she noticed.

Last card to play this time isn't faith. It's helplessness. "Has to be you, I'm afraid. If you do not want to stay, I cannot force you. But I would want your help, if you are willing. Because you see..."

You turn and look her directly in the eyes. Straight past the blue dress, white hair and all of her maid accessories. Including the knives.

"...I am hunted. If you don't help me, I will almost certainly die." This is technically true. But you really want a backup plan in case "Tragedy" means an armed military squad black bagging you. You don't want to recall the last time someone tried to solve THAT with friendship.

Credit where it's due, it worked out in the end. More than what you can say about this mess.

"I will help you in your search for your... loved ones. Give you a place to stay, eat, a residence. In exchange, become my bodyguard for two weeks. And don't hide anything if there's a problem. That's all I ask."

The last card is helplessness and intensity. Your hand is empty. Hers has trump cards like Violence, Murder, Serial Murder, Interrogation, Luna Dial and Private Square. And your gut tells you that even if you could do the appeal to emotion bit, she lived in a vampire mansion far away from the settlement as the only human. Assuming, you know, this isn't some sort of evil double or something. High stakes.

She looks away first.

"...very well. My name is Cheryl. I am a maid. I'll be your acquaintance, and I accept your terms." You smile.

Pft. Sure.

"Was something I said strange?"

UH. Uh oh, you said that out loud. Dmgcontrol DMGCONTROL

"That's an uncommon name around these parts. But do not worry, I've heard w-" You catch yourself. "many different other names."

"I'm gonna cut you. Also, your name is weirder." If she wants to play the game, fine with me. Rapid-fire Banter Operation mode engaged, running on all cores.

"Eat your breakfast, lady."

She looks amused/condescending/entertained. "This cannot be called food. Give me some ingredients so I can make something edible."

Hey you spent all of ten minutes on this.

"Yeah okay Mary Poppins lemme work something ou-"

She just decks you. You land on a couch and consider your options.

[ ] The Blue Dice Stand for Evasion
[ ] Mike Tyson's Punch Out
[ ] The Immaterial and Missing Mid-Combat Speech Check
[ ] The Egyptian Tour Guide Simulator

>>213285
Yes.

[X] The Egyptian Tour Guide Simulator

Almost all other options lead to further violence, so it's time to de-escalate. No cold war on your watch!

You put your hands up in a placating gesture. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Deep breath, then deflection. "You know what, let's go, I'll show you around my apartment. It might suit you to know where you will be staying."

She shows curiosity, then acceptance. But mostly curiosity.

You lead her around. The living room is a bit of a mess, but it's passable enough to get no comments from her. The corridor that connects between them has seen better days - wallpaper not sticking properly, dust here and there. And finally, you show her your kitchen - a stove, a fridge, cooking utensils, the works. Your apartment is not very spacious. It's not a mansion, after all.

"This tour was brought to you by our travel agency. Only the best of the best!"

She just looks irritated. "I want a refund."

"No."

"Okay, then." She somehow finds your mop and bucket and smiles brilliantly. "The cleaning day begins right now!"

Now it's your turn to grumble. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You didn't want to escalate at all! You WANT to do a Travis Touchdown impression of a tantrum, tell her that it's the most stupid idea you've ever heard. But even putting aside the fact that it would mean not letting a maid do her job, she is absolutely correct that you need to clean.

It's just, you really expected to get knifed before all this. Your face goes through all five stages of grief before settling into acceptance. It's JUST not fair.

"Your wish is my command, my lady." As if on cue, she goes drill sergeant on you after that. You really didn't think that one through.

For the next three hours, your two-person combat unit does the abominable task of general house upkeep. Sweeping the dust, wet cleaning, gluing up the wallpapers properly, taking care of all the tied up cables. You're pleasantly surprised that she doesn't do the thing where computer illiterate people ruin technology by using some kind of super cleaning (why does she know how to take care of modern tech?). Clothes are elegantly folded up and put into the drawer (you give her some t-shirts and sweaters while the two of you do this, you have too much and chances are, she could need them later). Floors are scrubbed, windows are cleaned. The rest of the house is tidied up. Now it looks like it's from some sort of home décor TV show. You take the time to look over hours of work in thought.

You are confused, so it's time for a one-liner. "Is this the true power of a maid?"

She just beams at you. "Yes!"

"That's incredible!" I think she's radiating happiness particles. If you were a mad scientist, you'd probably want to harvest this for the good of the world.

Right, so you finally remember that humans have to eat. Disregarding the positive energy emitter near you, you open the fridge. You stocked up yesterday, so there's eggs, milk, beef, various other groceries and of course a loaf of bread, so in case you don't want to cook anything you can just go for that. So naturally, the second you reach out for bread and milk combo, she shoves you aside, asks you what she can use and does a robbery the second you say "yes".

But... my bread....

[-] Maids are now cooking...

Half an hour, one cooking show, one prayer and one full meal later, there is enough energy to go about the rest of the day. Nerves calm down somewhat. She really did a Cooking Mama, huh.

...but then you quickly remember that she's still technically Lawful Evil on the alignment chart. You double up on your alertness, eager to pre-empt all evil from this supermaid. She just stares at you, waiting for something. Ah, right.

"Thank you for the food!"

She just smiles at you again, silently. You expect more back-and-forth banter, but she just looks happy and none of that occurs. You don't really know what she's thinking, but you have some stuff to do today.

First, gotta go outside and show the maid around. Next, gotta go outside to buy some things you gotta have in order to survive. And next, gotta go outside to scout out for what could be a potential Tragedy. In the middle of this absolute whirlpool of events that is your life right now, if you miss a crucial life-and-death event because of your usual attention span, you would never live this down. Maybe even literally.

In any event, your options today truly are NEET-eradicating. The nature is healing. You excuse yourself and dress. The earlier the two of you leave the better.

"We're going outside. Ready yourself - there is a lot to do."

"Are you my boss?" Tch.

"I must show you around, minion!" You're ready, so you dodge in time. She looks visibly hurt for a second, then quickly recovers.

"Ho? You're approaching me?" Jojo pose. Satisfied expression.

...

...you're tempted. You're really tempted. But you cannot. Because...

"No Jojo references in the house. 500 dollar penalty. Go outside if you want to."

Because you've worked very hard to get all the Jojo stuff out of your head. Your expression is unflinching authority right now. You can't back down from this. She looks visibly hurt for more than a second. Then she just looks resolved? What?

"ZA WAARUDOOOO!!!!"

Time stops. The world is covered with a grayscale filter. Well, all the world except you and her.

"The time has stopped!" She's still posing. Your face is blank. She went and did this. There are no knives around her. You sense no mortal danger, only frustration.

[ ] PANIC.gif
[ ] Quit screwing around, Denton.
[ ] Left Click for Paragon Interrupt
[ ] Peter 1st 3:9 her

[x] Left Click for Paragon Interrupt

...You promised. You said to yourself you wouldn't start with this again. Yes, circumstances are different, yes, you're balancing on the edge of life and death. That doesn't justify anything. But the end of the day, she was bothered enough to reveal her supernatural power and stopped the entire dimension of time to do this. If she does this much, it really just means that she needs help more than you do. So you look for a good moment and get into it.

What was the name- "Cheryl, I will have no mercy on you!" She just does a mad grin and goes forward.

Feet shoulder width apart. No hat, doesn't matter. Head leaning just a bit down. Straightened and confident posture. You got this.

Your physical condition can be described as "yes, but actually no". The "yes" part is from having a good body in your mid-20's. You go outside, do chores and try to train. The "but actually no" part, meanwhile, is from your extensive Ex-NEET legacy you've acquired over the course of the years. It's not a decent idea to do strenuous things for too long and your endurance does not exist past the five minute mark, but you can manage it short term. That is to say, you charge and lean into the punch like it's your last day on earth.

"Ha!"

"Useless!"

Your fist strikes collide and you both withdraw half a step. She points at you, satisfied.

"Time will begin again!"

Grayscale fades away and you enter a brief daze from a burst of sudden physical activity. Let's hope this cheered her up. You silently wonder if you should ask- oh, she starts speaking. She's smiling?

"I will introduce myself once more. My name is Cheryl. My occupation is a professional maid - I can cook, clean and house keep perfectly, and if needed, instantly. My objective is to find my mistress - Remilia Scarlet - whatever the cost. I'll be in your care." She curtsies.

...You will not be outdone. You introduce yourself again. "My current occupation is studying. I'll be in your care as well." There is much that you wish to tell her, but it will have to wait. Because you're GOING OUTSIDE AND THAT'S FINAL.

"As I was saying, we need to go outside. Several tasks must be done today-" She interrupts you immediately.

"Part of our agreement was that I need to protect you. That would be easier to do so from the safety of home, rather than being ambushed outside. Home ground advantage." Finger pointing up pose. Yes, this is logical, but there is a problem with that - and a very large one. But to explain it, you'd need to tell her more details and you can't reveal all the information now. In absence of options, you try weak argumentation.

"There are supplies that we need to have right this moment, before danger mounts. The risk is justified. We leave right now, before anything terrible occurs." You summon all the intensity that you can muster.

"I cannot approve of this course of action. If your would-be assassins use firearms, you're not likely to survive." Yes I get that Saber THANK YOU.

"Yeah, too bad there's no choice. I've only learned of the danger yesterday - there wasn't even any time to get ready." If you miss a tragedy on the outside and like fifty people die and you could have prevented it, that's not optimal strategy. That's the opposite of optimal strategy.

"If these guys hurt innocent people, it's not gonna be pretty."

Also, you will need to buy food. If she castles you, you can't come out.

"Why should you care? If your goal is to survive, it's best to stay put."

"Fresh air is a valuable resource! Vitamin D! Not getting a migraine! It's like the ultimate in not-dying category."

She sighs, defeated.

"Come on, minion, servant, maid. We're going outside!" It's not bullying if it's true.

"Your wish is my command." She's sulking. The Lawful Evil maid in your employ is sulking. Whatever, let's go.

[-] Girls are getting ready...

Your standard battle equipment is jacket and jeans. Her standard battle equipment is maid apparel. Today is certain to be a disaster, the only question is in how many ways.

Take your bag, get out, lock the door. You did this hundreds of times, but it's only now that a girl is accompanying you. You body suddenly remembers that yes, you've been talking to a girl all this time. It takes some time and effort to force it down and forget it again.

The maid begins to ostentatiously clean her knives. Alright, alright, I get your point, calm down. Sheesh. You don't need to do that.

Go down the staircase, exit the building. Disaster in 3, 2, 1...

A large parking lot with cars. High-rise buildings, all around you, including the one you live in. Open sky with clouds. Consequences of semi-urbanization. Consequences of perestroika. Today you've used this word in a sentence. You already regret it.

"I bid you welcome to Samara, Russian Federation." The maid's expression is unmistakable. Terror.

"Hey, at least that's not Omsk." Or Siberia. You do not say that out loud. It does not comfort her.

Now you have an important decision to make. This very smart girl is still wearing full maid apparel. If you go to the main street as is, everyone - I mean everyone will look at her like she's from the psychiatric hospital two streets down. This isn't likely to help you. You can either usher her inside and put one of your jackets on her (you don't know if she will accept such an assault), rush to Second Hand clothes store like you're Sonic and the stage is Final Rush. Or you can let her have it.

The maid turns to face you. She shows signs of a nervous tick. You silently wonder if you could have stopped this.

[ ] Tactical Redeployment Simulator (AKA DP refund and try again later)
[ ] Psychonauts Any% RTA 31m 55s
[ ] Let her hit 100 and try to roll a virtue.

[x] Psychonauts Any% RTA 31m 55s

After skillfully considering the situation for all of 0.55 seconds (which is roughly the same time in which you make a blunder when you play chess), you start speaking further. Only because there isn't any option not to.

"First stop is buying you new clothes. You can't walk in the middle of the street wearing a maid outfit. Let's go."

You start walking forward. One second later, the bubble bursts. She appears suddenly in front of you, from thin air. You almost walk into her.

"What exactly do you mean, Samara, Russian Federation? Why should we buy new clothes? Are you playing a trick on me? And for that matter, are you really hunted or did you lie to me?"

Indignation mixed with disbelief in what's happening. Incredulous expression. A knife in her palm. When coaxing out information, one can use their Charm gauge or Intimidation gauge. Naturally, because she already used the former, she probably feels it's time to use the latter. Can't even blame her in this situation. So many things at once.

Supermaid (scary) is still staring at you with an expression of an irritated movie protagonist. Well.

"I'm afraid I have not lied to you thus far. This really is Samara, and I really am hunted. As for the clothes question, even if you don't end up using them, you might as well have them. When in Rome and all that."

She looks around and demonstrably points at various things. Children's playground with a broken slide. Car with advertisement sticker on the back window (sausage delivery, with a mobile phone number). Garbage dump nearby.

"Should I say SPQR right about now?"

She would make a more convincing argument if we were 10 kilometers outside the city limits, with no plumbing or sewage system. You want to live, so you don't actually say that, even though you want to. You really want to.

"It is what it is. Are we going to stand around or what? Let's not waste time and get on with it." Can't be helped is an expression that she should be familiar with. Maybe this will w-

"Time? Did you forget? I have time. All the time in the world." Three seconds later, grayscale, the works. She just did this on a whim! Are her timehax just free?

"Now, tell me everything you know, please. In full detail. No more surprises." Pleasant and happy expression. Quiet and serious tone. Stuff straight from other people's nightmares.

This situation is, as the saying goes, above your pay grade. You just turn to her, defeated. "Can we at least walk while I do that? It's not a short story and it's definitely not a short walk."

She looks like she carefully considers it. And finally, speaks. "Sure. Lead the way." She offers you her hand, as if to invite you to a dance.

For a quarter of a second, you regard the entirety of her feelings, your present circumstances and sheer absurdity of current events. It takes another quarter of a second to realize that these things are simply useless to think about. I mean, what are you gonna do about it, act outraged, mad? That won't help a smallest bit. You can pray when you're out of this whirlwind of happenings. Maybe even tell her to stop being super evil later. Is this why other people use the turn of phrase "can't be helped"? Being able to bear it when things no longer make sense?

You take a girl's hand and walk in frozen time.

[-] ...

>>213357
>Typo
Showdown update pace activated.

The two of you leave through the passage into the main street. More cars parked around here. A sign advertising services of psychologist hangs on the building wall. A street sign with a red "X" cross on a blue background. Two-way road, with a small separator between directions, filled with trees. Power lines. You involuntarily remember their sound.

Time still frozen, you walk along the street. Cars are standing still, waiting patiently for you.

"So, our story begins. It took six days for our Lord to create Earth-"

"Do not start that early." Chiding tone.

"I woke up and met a girl in a coffin. She was nice!"

"And not that late!" Slightly annoyed. You smile. Tough crowd. There goes any hope of being evasive. You cannot focus while looking at her. Your head turns towards the main street and allow yourself to reminisce.

"I grew up in a loving family."

Memories of filial love. Memories of childhood. Of youth.

"I had everything a child would need, and most things they would want."

Memories of play and youthful vigor. Memories of studying and hope. Memories of simple happiness.

"Parallel to that, I indulged in a hobby from young age. Computer games. A form of a movie, in which user takes control of events on the screen according to the scenario made by the developer. A technological advancement made in this age. A form of beautiful fiction."

You remember your first console. Happy memories with friends. Happy memories alone. Then, memories alone.

"Over time, I studied more and more of them. The world of such a fiction is not a place of rest. It is a place of challenge and relentless self-improvement. Happiness disappeared. Then, I became a shut-in."

You refuse to remember this part. Fast-forward button is pressed. Held. Events blur in your mind. No turning back now.

"You can consider playing a game as reading a book. One book turned to many, and my mind became a library. A long time passed. Then, I turned to faith. Then, I met a girl from a coffin. The end." Brief silence. You pass by depressing-looking store signs. Then, she sighs.

"I already regret listening to this. Why am I here..." Slumped posture, discouraged expression.

You stop in place, and turn to her. You can leave things as is if you stop talking here. Just hold off on explaining anything useful and submit to interrogation (echo of SUBMIT! resounds through your mind. Thanks, brain). Play along and make useful friends. Get comfortable and play a Caro game. The c pawn is like having one more piece on the board. White cannot really stop you.

But if you fail. If you die today, it won't save Maribel. But you can make an effort to help this maid. If blade's edge is a border between life and death, then today must be precise. Divine providence. Frozen time. A single hope.

Your voice goes cold and monotone.

"What I'm about to tell you is critical information. Pay close attention." She looks at you quietly.

"Like books, games are often created as series. Chronicles of Narnia, for example, has seven books in the series. Their narrative is closely connected. Events of one happen some time after another. Games are much the same."

"One game series exists, called Touhou Project. There are more than sixteen entries. The sixth of which, titled Embodiment of Scarlet Devil, tells of a shrine maiden, or a magician, assaulting a certain vampire mansion." She abruptly stops breathing.

"Protecting it are. Gatekeeper, Hong Meiling. Mage, Patchouli Knowledge. Mistress, Remilia Scarlet."

"And her loyal maid, Izayoi Sakuya." Her knife reaches your throat. It does nothing to make you stop talking.

"You came into this world from the pages of a certain "book". And you are, without any sort of doubt, human." No evil spirit would do all the stuff she did for you. Cleaning, cooking. You still feel the edge on your throat.

"You are a fictional existence." Her eyes start to turn red. White aims the queen and the bishop at the f7 pawn. The sequence of moves needed to survive contracts further.

"Or that would be, unless something else happened to contradict this. Listen, to the very end."

"Yesterday night, I saw a person in a dream. She introduced themselves as a witch called Lafcadio. She wanted to, to quote her words, "make me hers". Stated that I had to survive two weeks, in which every day something called "Tragedy" would happen. And that every three days, I would receive something called a "Boon". If I die before the end, she said that I would be her slave. And if I would live to the end, I would receive a single wish from her."

"Her appearance was that of Yakumo Yukari in a fox mask. Spiriting away. You know by now what that is." A flash of anger.

"Yukari? Why would she do this? Speak!"

A bus stop. Multitude of cars, frozen in place. A crosswalk. Scooters parked on the street. Soviet-era buildings from 1950's. Advertisements labeled on road signs. Power lines.

Your executioner.

"I know not. She wanted to know what my wish was. So I told her. I wished for Maribel Hearn to wake up."

Beat. Two beats. You keep talking.

"Yakumo Yukari is stated to have control over borders. In supplementary material, certain Maribel Hearn and Usami Renko are stated to exist in an "Outside World", an advanced and fictional society. Their adventures were a small series, in parallel with Gensokyo's narration. Maribel in particular shared Yakumo Yukari's control of borders, and was implied to control dreams."

"There is no way for fiction to come to life on it's own. Even more so for a game series, which makes revenue. It follows that there was a culprit, otherwise it all would be a dream and none of it would matter. If it didn't matter, I was happy to look the fool. And she did use Lafcadio Hearn's first name as a pseudonym."

"After I stated my wish, Lafcadio revealed herself as Maribel Hearn. After her friend's accidental death, she entered into a coma. My wish was for her awakening, and as a consequence, Gensokyo's destruction." She looks like you just shot her point blank.

"Gensokyo is probably a form of a dream world made by Maribel, instead of anything fictional. And you are it's inhabitant. But, that doesn't matter now."

Ahead of you is life and death. Ahead of you is a graveyard. An image of your own corpse. Dead flesh and blood. Skull. Possibility of eternal torment. Power lines humming. Death.

"Izayoi Sakuya, a cold and calculating maid. You have two options."

Cannot stop here. Must keep talking.

"You can kill me, and rely on either your mage or Maribel to bring you back. Your mistress's ability is control over fate. If she really cares about you, you will make your way to her somehow. Not that I would wish for anyone to be in clutches of a devil." You chuckle. Her grip tightens. Thin wound from your throat. Blood. Her eyes go up a shade of crimson.

"After this happens, Maribel will eventually die of natural causes. As a result, Gensokyo will abruptly disappear on it's own. Your mistress, will, of course, see exactly when. She will escape with her mansion the same way she arrived, leaving Gensokyo to fade. Others inside would likely perish."

"Or, spare me. Fight with me through the two weeks as per our agreement. Your mansion will survive, as there is no way your mistress wouldn't see what's happening. "Yukari" would handle the rest. There is no way she wouldn't. She loves Gensokyo enough to stay asleep forever for it's sake." Putting a vampire unbound by spellcard rules in your world is not your idea of fun. Possibility of death. Others suffering because of you.

Which is why, both options are appealing. If you die here, there is no regret. It only means that the potential cost to Maribel's awakening - possibility of corpses, bled dry by either vampire, was far too steep. And even if she says you'll be her slave, she cannot take you from the Lord. You idly wonder if they could just use blood packs instead of being violent. Crime doesn't really pay long-term.

Blood keeps running from your throat. Maid's eyes are blood red. She grabs your head and points it to face her. Speaks with strained tone.

"Is this all you have to say?"

"She told me I would die in two weeks directly after that. Then, handed me a strange watch. After I woke, there was a girl in a coffin in my room. A servant of a vampire that controls time." Your tone is still cold. You do not look at her, only the spectre of death behind her.

There is no need for fear. Fathers of the Church would say that we must let go of temporal attachments and place faith in the eternal. Letting go of things is already extremely difficult for a normal person. To practice it is no small feat.

-So if I wish to win, I must let go of my ambition and lose with all my might.

"Join me, and awaken a girl that dreams about a wonderland from her slumber. Or, do as you wish. I cannot stop you."

Time stands still. Humming power lines. Reference to another delusion made with creative fiction. Small crucifix on your chest. Inward prayer. In stopped time, time passes. An unexplainable phenomenon. Her expression is of a judge.

The knife retreats from your throat. Thin trickle of blood makes it's way into your T-shirt.

"Why tell me all of this now? What do you hope to gain, my cooperation? It would be far easier to stay quiet." This is easy enough to answer.

"Soon, I will perish. I do not know when. If what I know would be of use to you, you can have it. And..."

Memories. Of girls, dodging bullets graciously through consecutive spells. Of girls fighting it out on the ground and in the air with various powers borrowed from fantasy, knocking one another into the next week. Of girls climbing a giant tree, stretching into imaginary heavens. Of a vast trove of other stories, made by inhabitants of the Orient.

Memories, much more precious than gold, that you cannot ever properly share.

"And thank you, for everything." You smile.

High rise in the distance. Variety of street signs. Cars, frozen in time. Crosswalks. Traditional-looking house. Death on the city streets. Body on the pavement. Image of a man, stabbed directly in the heart. No culprit ever found.

You are ready for the grave.

"Now. Shall we work together, to wake a princess up?" She let go of your hand at some point. You stretch your right arm forward, this time.

A single moment or eternity passes. Not sure which completely.

She takes your hand. Time resumes. A second dance with death.

...her hand is soft. You never noticed until now.

[-] ...

You walk forward from the bus stop. People look at you- no, they look directly at her. Tch. At least they didn't notice you two appearing from thin air.

"One moment."

It takes some time to remove your jacket. You can already see your master plan foiled, as a stubborn maid tries to Tough It Out in the streets. This is gonna be Maribel's eyes all over again. Or hyper serial murder of some kind. "Buriallusion "Phantomic Killer in Night Mis""- Nope, can't even finish this thought with a straight face.

...you throw your jacket over the murder maid. It hangs from her shoulders like some kind of big suit of armor, except it's real, unzipped and it should be actually warm.

"Here. Looks good on you."

It's autumn and it's gonna be really cold in just a minute. Let's get to the clothes shop post haste. You start walking slightly faster.

She just smiles at you for some reason. What?

"Mine now."

"Oi."

"It's the least you can do after pretending not to know who I am, right?"

"It's cold, hey!" She can't- She can't do this! You have no clue if clothes store has jackets or not! You're gonna get a cold!

"Too bad~"

You reach to grab her, she just hops away and laughs. This scamp, I oughta...!

[ ] Sam & Max Hit the Road
[ ] Use Banter for Super Effective damage
[ ] Rebuke the evil maid and tell her to repent (Reaction Speed: Legendary)

[x] Use Banter for Super Effective damage

-Okay, calm down. Assess your situation. If yesterday night you jumped fifty sharks, today was solid seventy point five. You clearly need to chill. Calm down. Do the opposite of revving up the engine. Sadly for her though, chill does not equal being defeated. So you do the equivalent of shifting into a lower gear, which happens to be banter.

...image of a confused maid and your fevered attempt to explain the particulars of Theory of Acceptable Streetwear reverberates in your mind. Let's be careful not to money shift to tangents. It might not be your first drive, but let's be really careful just in case.

"Do you do this to every stranger you encounter?" You point to blood flowing from your throat.

"Only to ones that I like." Put some spit on the wound. Hope it heals. No plaster.

"That's domestic violence. Shortened to DV. You use knives for cooking, not assault."

"Oh no, I didn't realize. I'll use my fists instead." Her words are blunt, but she's being a really, really cheeky brat right now. You have half a mind to go "bin zat knoife" on her, but explaining the joke would take the better part of the hour (not to mention that it wouldn't actually work), so you compromise.

"Didn't your parents teach you that violence is bad? It's not proper for a young lady like yourself."

"A proper maid must be ready and willing to exterminate any foe for her master. Any maid that can't do this much is inferior. Second-rate." Oh. Right, if you compare Gensokyo to Vietnam, Kowloon Walled City or the criminal underground, this makes sense.

Once again, tough crowd.

"Which Kung Fu movie did you come from?" You don't remember any names of Kung Fu movies. Except that one from Zimbabwe. The problem with it was that it was unforgettable, and that it wasn't actually a Kung Fu movie. And that it wasn't from Zimbabwe.

"Armour of God comes to mind." Wait, what? That's...

"No way, you guys watch Jackie Chan movies?" How on earth did that happen?

"Milady thought it would be ironic considering her title. It was a decent performance. Modern culture is..." She struggles to search the word. "Unconventional."

"How'd you get that stuff, anyway?"

"Abandoned and forgotten things end up in Gensokyo. Don't tell me you didn't know that." So wait, if Gensokyo is a dream, but things still end up there, then...

"Wait, wait. Did you guys get a bunch of weird articles from the Tengu lately? With keywords like yellow press, fake news and all that?" Condescending smile.

"I don't actually read these papers. They do help for cleaning as waste paper, though."

"Why'd you have to have common sense at this time!" This maid is just...

"Don't worry. If we ever get to meet them, I can cook some Yakitori for us."

"Eating meat from evil spirits sounds all kinds of cursed. You want me to get food poisoning?" You briefly remember some japanese series, in which someone fed the protagonist and other children kudan and mermaid meat while he was small. Everyone except the main character died a horrible death, but MC got superpowers at the cost of becoming some sort of bored introvert.

Japan needs our Lord and Savior and his Church now more than ever.

"Don't worry, I'll be thorough. People can even eat fly agarics if you boil them enough times."

Yeah, this is how you'll die. Not the knives and not red text. This maid is gonna do a "whoopsie" on you. And then an autopsy report is gonna say something like "he ate fifteen tons of garlic" with a small side note "too dumb to live". Worse ways to go, you guess.

"Think I'll pass on that. There's far better stuff out there than some extreme variant of chicken liver."

"Exotic ingredients do make for exotic foods." She points her finger up in a teaching pose. Well...

A gigantic pelmeni stash, which this maid did not manage to discover rests in the freezer section of your fridge. Staple food for student life, an unparalleled treasure for when there IS no time or concentration for the daily life because....

...it's only now that you finally remember the Trig. And the Physics. And that, if things go as is, studying them has been a gigantic waste of your time.

Your disappointment is immeasurable, and your day is ruined.

"Maid. Can I say something harsh?"

"What exactly? And I have a name, you know." Slightly annoyed tone.

"If you ever meet this "Lafcadio", can you exterminate her? Like, maybe two to six times. Or seventeen. Non-lethally." Seventeen sounds nice.

She just raises her eyebrows.

"Aren't you supposed to be a good Christian?"

"Repent." She just gives you the look. You return it to sender the best you can.

It DOES say "Do not avenge yourself". It really does. But right this moment, teaching Maribel discipline with a "How to not dump a landmine on a complete stranger and undo years of education 101" class seems more appropriate. It might even be good for her.

Yeah. That's your excuse and you're sticking to it.

"I suppose it would be curious to meet her now. I'll see what I can do." You walk forward in pure triumph. Oh wait. Yeah, you see it. You're almost there.

[-] …

You approach the huge shopping mall. Parking lot is chock full of cars. The killer maid is wearing your jacket. It's still really, really cold. She looks visibly impressed/startled/worried. A giant building is ahead.

"It's a shopping mall. Lots of stores, lots of stuff. Today's gonna be an adventure!"

"Do you know how easy it would be for someone else to shoot you from a crowd this large?" You recall a certain level full of glass from a certain top-down shooter game (you really wish you didn't). You CAN see where she's coming from, but today is the day and you will not be denied.

"Come on, assistant, let's get a move on! Today is the day!"

Massive avenue for exploration. Various signs of shopping brands. She looks visibly exhausted. You didn't even start.

Good.

[ ] Fashion Souls
[ ] The Grand Tour
[ ] Time Trial

[x] Fashion Souls

You enter the mall. Your body warms by the grace of not being outside anymore. You feel it. It's almost time. But before that.

"You look tired already. Did you run a marathon while I wasn't looking?"

"A perfect and elegant maid must be able to assess her surroundings precisely." Translation: she stopped time to goof off again. There goes any hope of her not seeing another byproduct of modernity - kebab shop on the other side of the mall. Today you went and let what you thought to be a fictional character yesterday go and see that.

One more notch on your failure list. Luckily, you know just how to cheer a girl up from having to notice all this while having fun yourself.

"You lonely maid! Don't just wander off while on duty! What kind of adventure is it if we don't spend our time together!"

"On duty? Are you inviting me on a date?" She keeps her composure. She does, but her tone is mischievous.

It is unfortunate for her, however, that she does not possess the information. That is to say, she DOESN'T KNOW.

"Assistant! Follow me, we have a tight schedule!" You only have so much time to bully her. You MUST make haste to make the most of it.

She follows you, which is certain to be a great mistake for her. You smile inwardly, content with your decision. The most enticing part of your second favorite dungeon crawler was not the complicated and masterfully thought out class change system, nor was it surviving glorious boss battles. Not even close. The best part was making your party out of characters like Gebura with a red arrow that says +16 on it underneath, Black Knight (with a Burger King hat), a T-34 tank and other wacky party members that you do not presently recall, and then having THEM win. And the best part of almost any RPG was the character creator and gearing up just right.

Maybe you used to have a problem. But now she was about to feel the consequences of your having a problem.

You walk across the mall. It's composed of multiple large shops at the first floor - supermarkets, centered on food and consumer electronics respectively. There's half a mind to show her the wonders of modern society, such as a washing machine or one of these "smart" speaker things. You silently wonder if they have a roomba. Maybe she can have a pet once she gets out of the danger zone.

"This way. It might look scary, but it's nothing to be afraid of." You mostly tell yourself that, to be sure. An escalator ride up is always a thrill of sorts.

"Should I hold your hand and tell you it's alright?" Stoneface engaged. Nothing she says can hurt you.

"Forcing people to look down from here should be a crime."

"Have you ever flied before? Just curious." NOT COOL. You make your reaction known in a most eloquent way.

"Maid, I'm gonna stuff you in a locker." Figuratively. "Let's go, our destination is just ahead." You hurry onward, to another escalator. Floor 3. Past you is a veritable assortment of expensive clothes shops that your student budget absolutely and certainly does not cover. You count yourself lucky that you don't have to conquer a horrifying level called "student loans".

It could always be worse, you remember. It could always, always be worse.

"Again, I have a name! And which kind of Christianity is that?" Well...

"You're about to find out."

[x] The maids are now exploring...

If the second floor is full of expensive shops, then third floor is much more affordable. You waste no time at all exploiting that fact. Fast steps towards the first shop, Second Hand detected, destination reached.

"This red one-piece dress, this sundress, this and this! Go and see if you like anything!" Others may attribute this to a frenzy. This is, naturally, still low on the scale. But no one needs to know that.

"My current attire is superior to all of this. My mistress-" Reasonable things OUT, extreme fashion show things IN.

"Fine, not this one-piece and not this then, instead take this, this hat, and..."

"Are you even listening?" Not anymore. Many coat hangers are taken, one girl is led into a dressing room. You consider extracting your coat on the sly, but decide against it. Sometimes, sacrifices must be made.

Clothes change. Girl with a simple sundress, girl with a straw hat and a black coat. Nothing over here, so next shop it is. The maid begins to see what exactly is happening - and that she cannot exactly do anything to stop it. To her credit, she starts to get into it by the third store. By the fourth, she even gets some good suggestions in. Red sweater, white cardigan. Time flies.

In the end, she picks a simple blazer, tie and a white shirt combo. It reminds you of that outfit from a certain Castlevania remake, which you strategically elect not to mention. You do have to make some adjustments for the sake of an ongoing effort of Not Making Her Look like an OL.

"This skirt's no good. Here, try this. And maybe this." You have no desire to see her in a pencil skirt.

"What's he problem with this? Is this not-"

"That's exclusively for old ladies! Would your mistress want to see you like this?"

"If the point is to disguise myself and blend in properly, it's more than sufficient." Long inhale.

"You're gonna wear this stuff outside the house! And it's not even all that good!"

"Many people wear this exact look around in the outside world. I am well-informed on the matter." This maid...

"We're not in Japan and you're not working as a flight attendant!"

"Good point. I suppose my outfit is superior after all." One outfit change later, she's back in her maid outfit.

"Then, this was a waste of time, after all. I..." You go red in the face, approach her and put yourself up close.

"I want to see you look pretty! It's why I wanted you to come here!" Trashy tsundere bit (1) performed (why are you still using that expression asdfghj). You will never live this down.

Ahem. Compose myself, compose myself. Look the other way...

"In any case, I liked what you picked earlier. So I'll buy it. It's a gift. You can wear it later. If you want to." Okay, alright. Salvaged it.

Yeah.

"Huh? Sure." She looks kinda dazed. Your wallet's gonna hurt a lot, but you don't really care. You want to leave this maid something to be happy about. And it won't matter soon enough anyhow.

...you managed to remember something that you didn't want to. Anyhow, you pay for the clothes and make your way down the mall. Before you go back, something else catches your fancy from a shop window.

"Is that... Loyal maid and companion, are you seeing this?"

"What? And my name is-"

"Yes, Cheryl, I know. This is a legendary treasure! We-"

Okay, well. It takes some time to convince her to put the knives down this time. But once you do, you both go into the store and return completely and properly equipped. It's not something that's immediately useful, but you get the feeling that both of you are extremely content with the purchase.

It takes another trip down the escalator (which you elect not to remember) and another half an hour to get some food from the supermarket while giving a small tour to the maid. She asks you some useless things about the place from time to time.

"Why are there so many flavors of sweets here? So much meat, too. There's so much to choose from..." You look coolly at your partner.

"Look, it's either SPQR and general disrepair or admitting that these shops have a decent supply chain."

"You can't possibly defend the aesthetic you live in."

"No. But at least I can survive it." Hopefully. You're not sure which is worse, Cleveland or living in Gensokyo.

The maid looks thoughtful for a second, then quips.

"..debatable."

"You didn't have to! You didn't have to go there!" She just starts smiling for some reason. Gah, this sucks!

Anyway, you pay for the food and leave the mall. You bicker back and forth for a while before settling into silence. Your coat still hangs from her shoulders. You didn't buy one for yourself, and it's getting remarkably unwarm. It's almost evening and all you managed to do today was a shopping trip. No tragedy countermeasures, no nothing. If you wanted to set yourself up for failure better, it is likely that you couldn't.

You and your hare-brained schemes.

[ ] Scenic Route
[ ] Instant Transmission
[ ] Press Triangle to Rush